Inner You and Private Emotions

Kailan...

2011-04-17T04:10:00.000-07:00

Kailan ko kaya masasabi ang mga katagang, "Ma, dalawang senior citizen nga po."?

Kailan ko kaya masasabi na "Habang lumilipas ang mga araw ay mas lalo kitang minamahal."?

Kailan ko kaya maririnig mula sa iyong mga labi ang "Salamat at ako ang pinili mo."?

Kung magiging mali man ito sa paningin ng tao at sa batas ng Diyos, ay paninindigan ko. Dahil mahal na mahal kita.

Ang Makati Kahit Anung Linis, Kuskos, Babad o Bleach ang Gawin Diyan, Kahit Magmukha Man Siyang Malinis, Makati Pa Rin

2011-04-09T01:18:00.000-07:00

Lumandi ka hanggat gusto mo! Alam ko na marami kang accouts here at facebook and outside. Alam ko namang gutom yang laman mo sa laman ng iba. At tsaka bakit ko pa ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko sa iyo kung gayon namang meron ka palang iba? Magpakasaya ka dyan sa ginagawa mo! Basta ako magmomongha na lang ako kesa isipin ka pa!

Hope that Mach 29, 2011 wouldn't come, pero kailangan niyang dumaan.

2011-03-27T03:16:00.000-07:00

Ngayon, alam ko na talaga ang tunay mong ikaw. Mas masahol ka pa pala sa aso, sobra sa kati sa katawan. 23 to 38 years old pala huh, sorry wala ako sa age limit mo. Single ka pala, since when, MARCH 29, 2009? Sana hindi mo na lang tayo nagkakilala kung ganito rin lang pala ang makikita't malalaman ng dalawa kong mata. Explain? what do you need to explain, ano ang kaya mong iexplain sa akin na nakita ng dalawa kong mata, muta lang? napuwing lang ba ako? That's Bull Shit.!

hope to see you soon

2011-03-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

Para sa taong nagmahal sa akin,

Kumusta ka na? Hope that you're doin' fine. Saan ka na pala ngayon? Di ka na nagpaparamdam sa akin. Si mama nga pala, musta na? miss ko na siya. i want to see her someday again kaso imposible nang mangyari ang mga yun. anyway, sorry kung ngayon ko lang nabasa yung message mo sa akin, yung last message mo sa akin last february 2011, and i think you may not continue to read this message now because im no lober your baby. it's all a rebound. it's only infatuation and desire that pushed me to do that. siyempre im still young and there are lot more things that i should learn like what what you've said to me before. i can still remember that day that you've said to me that you'll gonna treat me as your younger brother and not as your lover. pero pagkatapos noon, binawi mo din.

you dont still understand my situation. why? have i told you before that my parents are against in what im doing right now? i guess you know that and they called you on the phone to stop and stay away with their son. because of love that we had there, you agreed in front of them but deep inside you dont because you dont want to lose me. likewise, i dont either.

many months later we did not see each other and then by october 2010, i got a news from someone both of us know. and when i confronted you on facebook, you said to me that you're tired on me. im making your life miserable and more problematic because of that issue. kaya pala hindi ka nagpaparamdam noon sa akin. right that moment, i tried to forget about you but the feeling cant be erased ng ganun na lang because you still left something - a big wound in my life.

january 2011, confrontation. i told my self that i should distant myself to you because i may gain feel the guilt and pain at you've caused me. also, he and i were in a relationship, and even we're in the relationship, i dont still give my hundred percent to him because i can sense that he is not that serious to me. he's been always attempting to separate our ways. and february 2011, let it be the history.

you've said that you're always inviting me to go to manila to see you. but i always insist because of the same old reason - my parents. and yet i went to manila just to meet and mingle with other guys. you may say that to me a million times but i know my limitations. i may have another partner but i cant give my everything. and also, i dont mingle guys and its not my atitude. bakit nung nagkakilala ba tayo noong una, nilandi ba kita? hindi diba.

how can i meet you if your work starts at 3pm on weekdays? how can i go to manila if my parents are always asking me whether i'm going somewhere on saturdays? and how can i meet you if your attending morning and afternoon services in your church? there is no way for us to meet unless you filed a leave pass on one of the weekdays or planned properly on saturday. why did i went to manila on a tuesday? supposed to be i must be in the school studying right? my schedule for this past 2nd semester is whole day for MW and half day for TTh. i went to manila because i want to visit UST - my dream school. i want to see it right infront of my eyes, i want to feel the ambiance of UST. i want to hear the voices of thomasians and their bells clanging when class starts and ends. also what that i want to see my batchemates, but i failed to see them.

in there, he, i think, said to me in a flowery words of he want us to be friends na lang, no commitments. i agreed even labag sa kalooban ko pero wala naman na akong magagawa pa. then i remembered what you've said to be in our confrontation, "kahit mapalitan mo pa ako ng ilang beses, sa akin ka pa rin babalik."

pain.guilt.confused. there are the emotions that i felt in our confrontation date last january 2011. because of what you;ve done in our past. and still until he and i were in relationship. i can still feel the pain, guilt and being confused. with that i tried ot forget about you but still i cant. im so thankful that you gave me that kind of feeling unlike my past relationships, before and after you, they just leave me not knowing to my senses.

even he and i were in a relationship, i still kept the things that we had and i want you to be there still.

but why is it that one time of february nalaman ko na you're inviting him over to have "tumbang preso session" and take note FRIDAY NIGHT. i know your schedule. Friday is a weekday and your schedule for that is 3pm till midnight. how come? dahil ba sa gusto ng laman? dahil ba sa naglalaway ka at gustong makatikim ng ibang sarap? bakit sawa ka na ba sa akin?

bakit ba ako sumistansya sa iyo at hindi yung talagang lumayo? dahil i believe that there is a chance that we can fix it. i let you fix it but still you break it apart.

noon, ayokong mabakante pero noong nakilala ko siya at tinuro niya sa akin kung paano mabakante, natutunan ko rin. tsaka hindi ako ito ngayon, masyado akong naninigrado. dahil ayokong masaktan.

you said to the message that im free and you'll bin all of my waste. yes you may clean everything but you cant remove the feeliing. kahit anong pilit mong limot diyan, hindi na iyan matatanggal. parang peklat, sabihin nating kagat ng aso, mahirap matanggal diba, dahil it will keep on reminding you that nakagat ka ng aso.

hanggat nasa akin ang mga bagay na binigay mo sa akin, I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. i know that you've stopped reading my message because its too long. i'm so lucky to had you in my life. with this message i'm enclosing it with my self written poem and a song that recently got a hit. i kept what you've said to me "kahit ipagpalit mo pa ako at iniwan ka, babalik at babalik ka pa rin sa akin."

poem:

http://inner-you.blogspot.com/2011/03/ako-at-ang-aking-pag-ibig-ay-parang.html

back to december:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUwxKWT6m7U

waiting outside the line:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AU1yyy_At4

hope to see you soon.

Ako At Ang Aking Pag-ibig ay Parang Tsinelas na Napigtas

2011-03-19T00:46:00.000-07:00

Bago ko siya nakilala,

sobrang lungkot ko.

Dahil ako'y nangungulila

sa pag-ibig na inaasam-asam ko.

Para akong kalapating ikinulong

sa isang madilim na hawla -

umiiyak, sumisigaw, humihingi ng tulong.

Ngunit ni isa, walang napalinga.

III

Isang araw ng malungkot kong buhay,

may lumapit sa akin at pina-abot ang kanyang kamay

napatingala ako sa kanya

na ang mensahe ng mukha ko ay tila wala nang pag-asa.

Sinabi niyang, ibibigay niya ang lahat ng ninanais ko,

mamahalin niya ako ng walang hanggan,

dadalhin niya ako sa mga lugae na gusto ko,

at nangako siyang hindi niya ako iiwan.

tila nasilaw ako

sa mga salita niyang mabulaklak.

Tinanggap ko ang alok niya

ng sa gayon ako'y lumigaya.

Tumagal ng ilang buwan

at dumating si Huly,

ang buwan na kasunod ni Hunyo.

Napansin kong may problema tila sa amin.

VII

Napagawi kami sa Glorietta

upang doon pag-usapan,

ang problemang gumigitla

sa mga isipan naming naguguluhan.

VIII

Napansin kong tahimik siya

sa isang sulok doo'y nagdradrama.

Inakay ko siya at sambit niya,

"Hanggang kapatid na lang ang turingan nating dalawa."

Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya

napatahimik sa narinig ko.

Halos hindi ko mawari ang sinabi niya

dahil sa mahal na mahal ko ang kagaya niya.

Nagpakalayo ako

para sa ikakabuti naming dal'wa.

'Di ko siya pinansin. 'Di ko siya kinigbo.

dahil ako'y nasaktang tunay sa kanyang sinalita.

Ninais kong pumunta ng dalampasigan

sa pag lubog ng araw,

siya ring paglubog ng nararamdaman

ngunit hindi ko magawa dahil mahal pa rin kita.

XII

Idinalangin ko sa poon,

na ako'y makatagpo

ng taong magmamahal sa akin

tila atang wala akong narinig na sagot mula sa poon.

XIII

Dumating ang mga sumunod na buwan,

dumating din ang ilang nilalang na minahal ako.

Ngunit bakit ganito,

mahal ko pa rin siyang talaga.

XIV

Sinubukan ko siyang kausapin

sa isang madibdibang usapan.

Inamin ko ako'y nasaktan

sa mga salita niya mula sa kahapon.

Hindi niya iyon sinasadya

at hindi niya rin kinaya

lumuha siya ng parang bata

humihingi ng kapatawaran sa katipan niya.

XVI

Ako, na ang katipan niya, pinatawad siya

at kami'y muling nagmahalan.

Inalay namin ang isa't isa,

sa isang gabing hindi malilimutan.

XVII

Dumating si Marso,

ang buwan ng aming anibersaryo.

Nang babatiin ko na siya,

nalaman ko may kerido pala si tanda.

XVIII

"Ang galing mo! Ang galing-galing mo!, sabi ko.

Sagot niya, "Pagod na ako sa ganitong buhay."

At doon nagsimula ang pagsambit ko

"Lahat sila'y manlolokong tunay."

XIX

Muli'y nagpakalayo ako at kinalimutan siya

at biglang dumating si USTe sa kawalan.

Muli ako'y lumigaya,

puso kong nahirapan.

Nagpakasasa ako sa gusto ng puso ko.

Nilunod ko ang sarili ko sa isang tao.

Ninaman ko ang bawat sandali na masaya ako sa kanya

para kalimutan lang si tanda.

XXI

Naging kami ni USTe

muli'y lumapit si tanda,

nagmamaka-awa

nagbabakasakaling may magawa pa.

XXII

Muliy nagkapatawaran at nagkabalikan

ngunit hindi na ganoong tulad ng dati

may distansya na sa aming dal'wa.

Para naman ako'y lumigaya kay USTe kong bagong katipan.

XXIII

Dumating ang gabi ng Sabado.

Sa buwan ng Pebrero, dos mil onse.

Ang gabi ng aking pagka-inosente

na si USTe at tanda ay may hinandang plano.

XXIV

Nawalan ako ng kakampi-

mapakaliwa man o kanan.

Wala akong makapitan.

Ito na nga ang araw ng aking ikasisisi.

XXV

Bakit ba ako dumalangin noon sa poon?

Sa batong hindi nakakakita?

Sa batong walang puso?

Sa batong hindi gumagalaw?

XXVI

Ito na nga ang araw

na ang Diyos ay pumukaw

sa aming tatlong nagugulumihanan

mula sa trono niyang puno ng karunungan.

XXVII

Hihingi ako ng kapatawaran

sa nagawa kong kasalanan.

At baguhin ang sarili ko.

Para lang sa taong mahal ko.

XXVIII

Niloko ko man ang taong mahal ko,

nagsinungaling man ako sa taong gusto ko

ngunit hindi ko man iyon ginusto

dahil ako'y hindi pa rin nakaka-alis sa bangungot ng kahapon ko.

XXIX

Ninais ko lang na tulungan ako

sa bangungot ng kahapon ko

para ako'y muling makabangon

at magawang magmahal muli ng naaayon.

XXX

Kung ako'y mararapating patawarin,

ikalulugod ito ng aking puso.

At ninanais lang nito na mahalin

gaya ng una naming pagtatagpo.

XXXI

Lalakad akong paluhod

Papalapit sa Altar ng Buklod.

Hihingi ako ng kapatawaran

nang sa gayo'y mapatawad at mu;iy mahagkan.

XXXII

Nangungulila na akong lubos

sa iyong pag-ibig na ubod ng pagmamahal.

Ngunit maibabalik pa ba ang nakalipas

Kahit napagsisihan ko na ang pagkakamali ko?

XXXIII

Alam kong hindi mo ako matitiis

sa mga luha kong sa iyo lamang tumatangis.

Sa iyo lamang ako nakaranas

ng tunay na pag-ibig na wagas.

XXXIV

O aking mahal, dinggin mo ang bawat sinasabi ko

na ako'y nagsisisi na sa nagawang kasalanan.

Muli sana'y patawarin mo

ang kaya kong lapastangan.

XXXV

Ngayon para akong isang tsinelas -

isang tsinelas na biglang napigtas.

Kapag napigtas ginagawan ng paraan

para muli'y pakinabanggan at maisapin muli sa paanan.

XXXVI

Paano kung hindi na pwede?

Itatapon mo na lang ba,

ang kagaya kong tsinelas na wala nang silbe?

O itatago mo at gagawan mo pa rin ng paraan para maisalba pa?

Never Gone Movie

2010-09-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

Here it is! the long wait has been unleased....
Development Communication Department of the Adventist University of the Philippines cordially invites you to watch the very first full length movie that DEVCOM Society has to offer to all...

NEVER GONE the MOVIE..

A story of true FRIENDSHIP and LOVE....

Press Conference September 16, 2010 AUP Audio Visual Room
Premiere Night September 19, 2010 Finster Hall
Regular Showing 21-22, 2010 AUP Audio Visual Room
*for more details see the the pictures ;)
NOTE: THE DATES ABOVE ARE NOW SETTLED AND FIXED...

My Expression of Thanks for my 18th Birthday

2010-09-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

I, Xyrus Rian, would like to thank you all for your efforts to greet me on my 18th birthday. I cannot imagine that some of the people who greeted me today, are totally a stranger to me.

First of all, I want to thank the Lord for making this day possible, without this, there is nothing.

second, the people around me, especially my maily, relatives, and friends from Dominican College of Sta. Rosa, Emmanuel Christian School, the Adventist University of the Philippines, my Xtreme Buddy Society family, Bi Out Loud Family, to my Development Communication Family, to my enemies, to my past relationships, and to my crushes who whole-heartedly greeted me.

third, to the people who are totally strangers.

fourth, It's been so many times that I had celebrated happy birthdays in the past but, this, my 18th one, is the most memorable one, because someone made my bash night, an unforgettable one. So to that person, I thank you for the effort that you made for me even though we are far apart and I know that our hearts knows no rules on distances. I'm telling to myself if I want to settle down with you for the rest of my life, but it's your decision whether you will accept me or not.

and finally, to myself. Without me, there will be no color in this world.

Once again I am so grateful to have you all in my life. I am so thankful for all of your efforts even there is an existance of distances.

I thank you. Kamsahamnida. Arigato. Gracias.

-Xyrus..

PS. gift ko naman dyan! Yung Diamond-studded and gold plated! nagpakahirap ako sa kaka-inglish dito ieh, dinugo ang ilong ko ng pagka-major major...

The Tangent Line: Bisexual World

2010-02-20T10:39:00.000-08:00

We said awhile ago that Arden is now a bisexual and not a gay. Even he is a bisexual; he still had pagtingin to his same sex, especially to his bi peers. September 2, 2009, it was night at the dormitory. While Arden was busy texting to his other clan, an e-form (electronic form), was sent to Arden, and it show there that it is a pure bisexual clan. So, he tried to enter there. Just a few minutes, he was welcomed by the other members of the clan. In modern Filipino terms, clan is now a social network in mobiles wherein, bisexuals, bicurious, effems, and discreet gays can express their feelings and thoughts. There Arden met Christian Dave Barnido nicknamed and codenamed, Bharnie.

This is the story goes between Arden and Bharnie and the rest of his bisexuality world. “Nabigla kong nasabi na clan, through a group message, na ‘bharnie, tayo na huh!’ then he replied to me saying ‘bahala ka’. But I don’t know what comes into my mind na nasabi ko ang ganoon sa clan. But its ok para hindi na ako mainggit sa ibang clan members. Almost here in the clan, may mga so-called buddies na sila.” But Arden realized that when he is calling Bharnie may times, he felt like he is being played off. After that, Arden liked to use up to be in hook-ups even inside of the clan. Making relationships here and there, even outside the clan, “namanaged ko all of my flings at the same time, though marami sila.” One day, his friend in the clan, revealed Arden’s really is, “Masyado siyang possessive. Ayaw niya na nasasaktan siya kahit nasanay na.” True. Christmas eve came, Mino invited me to have the Misa de gallo here at Santa Rosa Chuch just infront of the Plaza ng Sta. Rosa. I told to myself, ‘sana siya na lang ang naging boyfriend ko. Gwapo naman siya, very entertaining, hindi ako medaling magsawa sa kanya. Pero choosy siya.’ Right after the mass, we spend our time at the plaza, while he is smoking beside me. Dumating pa nga sa point na madami kaming na-radar na mga bi dito sa plaza, meron ding gays na halata, crossdressers, at trans. Medyo dunistansya kami then he is the one who make the first move sa’kin na PDA. Upon reaching my house, 1:30am na yun, naglasing ako. And all I can remember that I am renouncing the name of Bharnie ng paulit-ulit. Then Xmas day, at MOA with my family and my cousin Chen, we spend the whole day there but I had a nagging feeling that I want to do. Pinapunta ko ng MOA si bharnie, siyempre para maipakilala ulet siya. When my parents saw Bharnie, nagmurmur si papa, tinignan from top to toe si Bharnie at tinaasan ng kilay (taray ng lola!). One day, his clan member courted him, “Sabi ni Emon, ‘kung kaya ko daw bang makapaghintay sa kanya.’ At first I don’t know what he really meant to say, but only I feel is he is courting to me. Hanggang sa hindi ko na kaya pang maghintay. Bernch came into the scene. Just by he saw my thread message in a social network, he joined to our clan. Then few days later, JR came into the scene. JR came to the clan January 2, 2010. Then he said to me that he had a crush on me. Then it came to the point that he is courting me, At first I snob all of his sides, later I don’t know what came inside me that I liked him. Kasi ako, madaling mafall-in-love in a just plain I LOVE YOU, pero yung talagang meant niyang sabihin yon. Until an issue between me, Bernch, and JR erupted. Itong si JR, nagpaparinig na ako yung mahal niya but he doesn’t revealing the name yet. Until I can’t take it anymore. As the whole clan got the news, Bernch suddenly quitted to the clan, ‘I need to focus onto my work, and to my son.’ May anakis na pala si Bernch. So then, JR and I officially naging kami, January 5, 2010. 3 days later, we decided to meet-up. Binalak namin ni Mitch to go to our friends’ school at DLSU-Dasma. So I told JR to go to Dasma. As we see each other, first impression ko before to JR is a tall, handsome and quite mayabang. But it is the opposite, he is fat, ‘4-eyed’ and so tahimik pero palakuwento. Until not by January 17, 2010 he mingled to another member of the clan, and the worst of it, napapunta pa siya kay Bharnie. Sa taong kinaaayawan ko na kahit minsan, sa kanya pa ako nasasaktan. Recent updates ko sa ganitong orientation ko, that I want to have an official pakikipagbalikan kay Bryan sa March 29. Then celebrate the post-valentine sa dream place ko in Manila, sa likod ng MOA, in an afternoon sunset, tapos mahangin, then spend the cold windy night with him.
“Dumating din sa buhay ko that my parents rejected me for what I am. Siyempre their expectations to their first born is so very high, siya yung magpapatapos sa mga kapatid niya sa pag-aaral, siya yung tutulong sa parents in all their expenses. Suddenly, for them, it’s like their dreams we’re bombed by the Talibans and crushed it into pieces. For me, even though I’m like this, I can still prove what their expectations to me. Only an expressive creature can share his feelings to others through talking and writing mediums. That’s why I am deeply inlove to my talent, the writing. Writing, eh. isang nakaktamad na gawain. But it’s not. For me, through writing I can express whatever I want. Dito ko nilalabas ang lahat ng pain and sama ng loob ko sa parents, sa friends, past relationships, even to myself. Even though I’m almost to burst my hands in writing novels, still I will pursue it until my hands are tired and old enough to stop what ever it writes.★

The Tangent Line: Stereotypical 2009

2010-02-19T10:38:00.000-08:00

March 29, 2009, Arden received a text message from an uncertain guy. “Hindi ko ugali ang hindi mamansin kahit sa text. If I’m a snob again, para ko nang sinabing nagmana ako sa nanay ko na masungit.” Arden texted that guy until they had such understanding, “I barely imagine that Bryan and I, will be lovers.” Almost every other week, they date at the mall, watch their favorite movies, do their similarities, everything. Plus Bryan always treats Arden when they are having their date. It was mid-July, this made Arden feel nothing to Bryan, “What if you were in my situation, and kayo ni Bryan. Then he will tell you that, mawawala sa'tin ang intimacy..." Nung narinig ko iyon, at first parang he’s making a joke. But when we went to a bus station, I try to hug him, but he insisted. He really mean what he’d said.” Then in sometime Sunday of August, Arden is now studying at the Adventist University of the Philippines, an international boarding school, wherein, he is a dormitorian. “Tumakas ako ng dorm para makapunta sa bahay nila Bryan sa Tondo. Alam din ni Bryan na pupunta ako sa kanila, so he fetch me sa Buendia then diretcho ng Tondo, crossing javascript:void(0)the mystical name of Malate, Roxas Blvd. España. Pagkapunta naming sa bahay nila, dumiretcho na kami sa kwarto niya. Hindi ko nga akalain na babawiin niya ang sinabi niya noon na ‘mawawala ang intimacy’, ‘kalain mo, hinalikan ba naman ako at sinabing, ‘miss na kita’ hindi ko siya pinansin, natulog na lang ako sa kama niya kasi tomorrow, he invited me to be with him sa church niya sa Sta. Mesa. ‘Tas nung tanghali, nalaman nila mama na wala ako sa dorm, Bryan told me that he will talk to my mom. Then he said over the phone, ‘ipuputol ko na po. Puputulin ko na po. Wala naman pong nangyaring masama kay Arden. I just invited him to be with me at the church. Yun lang. wala naman kaming ginawang masama.’ But si mama, talagang nagmamatigas. Daig pa ang batang pilit niyang bilhan siya ng laruan, ice cream at lollipop.” When Arden and Bryan we’re alone in the room, he smiled to Arden and said that he will never leave Arden, “Also, I, too, don’t want to loose the other half of my life. napamahal na sa’kin si Bryan, eh.”

As the months go by, Arden feels like he’s being left again by Bryan, and he meant what he said to Arden’s mom. He experienced attempting suicide, seeking a psychiatrist, psychology help, everything so that Arden could forget Bryan. Only the ridiculous thing that he had done is, he gave his “virginity”, cause of depression. He give it to all of his flings. One of those people who made that possible is Ian Aldred, his 5th boyfriend after Bryan. “Naging kami ni Ian for about two months, but I realize in the end that iba ang habol sakin ni Ian.” Even after Ian, Arden had a next fling, hid clanmate in a bisexual clan, named Mino, a handsome, cute but very choosy. “Unang tingin ko palang kay Mino, eh mapagmataas, choosy kasi. I hate those people who are very choosy. Hindi sila pagkain.” Also too, Arden gave it to Mino after Ian. This makes Arden more bolder than before – he became more confident that he is not gay, he is a bisexual.

Returning to his HS life, 4th year – Arden courted a girl named Abigail Sales, she is so beautiful, nice, approachable, and charming. “One day, I commented on her friendster profile if I could court her, then she said that ‘hindi pa ako handa but I can call you my Kuya and I’m your bunso.’ I agreed on that. Everytime na magka-prob ako, I’m always running to my bunso crying. Tears roll down on my face.” His tears also run to his face. Also arden courted some of Abigail’s classmates like Dana Rica Gallardo, Nida-lyn Polled, and Nicole Antenor. All of them are ok to Arden, the only thing is, that Arden, for them, is a gay.

Anyway, not until November 13, 2009, Friday the 13th, people around the world tell that this date is the day of the bad luck. But for Arden, it is not. Arden saw Bryan’s email at his inbox telling hat he misses Arden, he had lots of stories to tell to him. Also, Arden checked if Bryan had a Facebook account. As he opened Bryan’s Facebook account, he saw his manlove with a woman, “my heart felt like falling from a very tall building. Nanlalamig ang mga daliri ko. Arden texted Bryan (he left his number to Arden’s inbox), to confirm who is that woman in the picture. “Tingin ko, girlfriend niya yun. At the age of 33, he had a girlfriend!” but the opposition said, “Oh! Siya ba baby?, she’s Zee, my officemate. May boyfriend na siya and she knows that me and you, are one. She understands that because she also had a friend and cousin like tayo. Don’t be bother na baby.”

Unknown to Bryan’s knowledge, Arden have another one named Harold, a second year BSN Student of Our Lady of Fatima University – Valenzuela. They spend their not so quality time when they were because they’re both busy to their schools. Again, Arden returned to his melancholic nights, wondering if he could just end his life. But only conscience stops him to do it and thinks Bryan again.

“Pinagbigyan ko muna si Bryan noong November 13 na makipagbalikan sakin. It’s my loss if Bryan is nawala pa. But I think I want to have revenge on him. But how will I do it. Where should I start?” But the reason why Bryan done it before to Arden is just a temporary, to make the issue be forgotten.

The Tangent Line: Extraordinary Me at High School

2010-02-18T10:37:00.000-08:00

First year at the new school – Emmanuel Christian School, bit uncomfy but naninibago. Arden is uncertain still to his new environment. He met here again in this new school, his batchmates when he was elementary at Dominican College – Alexandra and Victoria. But the later is in the other section. “I can’t imagine that Alex and I will meet here at ECS, at kasama pa si Rhia.” On his first day of his HS life, a girl named Mitzelle had a crush on him, seems like love at first sight. Handsome, quiet type and gwapo, according to the description of Mitzelle to Arden. “Kaso, when the teacher told me to stand and say my name to the front of my classmates, feeling ko, naipit yung boses ko. I felt nagboses babae ako. I don’t know why. Then Alex said to me that Mitch ‘jaw-breaked’ when she heard my voice.”, he laughed.

He also had a crush in this school ever since the first day of HS – Paul Simon Tiongco. “Pang-hapon” is the liked term in our school, because they offer AM and PM schooling sessions. Also the price is half of the other regular offered schools. “But, the treatment here, at first you would say, ‘rehabilitation center’ ang ECS – walang magulo, hindi makatawa ng aayos, bawat kilos binabantayan, walang naglalaro kapag breaktime, pag breaktime, bawal ang CP. Over the time, it changes our comments, it turned from rehab to a second home.”

His Second year at ECS gave him a bit clumsy year. Arden got his first boyfriend – not a student of the said school. At the age of 14, he experienced love and pain simultaneously. His boyfriend – Rudolf Altarez – a bisexual model of Penshoppe. At first Arden is so innocent about that word. But as far as he could remember bisexual is a gender orientation wherein a person who is attracted to both sexes or gender, making relationships to a guy or girl. “Our first date sa SM City Sta. Rosa, January 20 exact to my mother’s birthday, at saktong umuulan. And that first date, yun na pala ang last date naming dalawa. Why last? Because, after a week, I tested him if he is really for me, even though im still young. I entered a chat room sa isang cable TV. Then leaved a message that would believe him na I’m looking for another. Nagreply ang ungas, nagalit at naggoodbye for good. So parang it’s so babaw ng dahilan diba. But it’s ok, puppy love na yun kasi we spend only half month of being kami.”, procrastinating answer.

When he turned into a third year student, his environment changed. For the past two years, in the afternoon session of the said school, he’s now in the morning session. And none to the knowledge, he was included in the cream section of the third year. But it is not the typical one, the boys are separated from the girls. Meaning two cream sections. “First time kong maeexperience ang ‘exclusive’ in a co-ed school.” Still wondering if he stopped his having guy crushes? Still he does. His third year crush, Ryle Penecitos. Even this guy knows that Arden had a crush on him, hindi nagbago ang pagtingin nito sa kanya. Naging malalim pa ang pagkakaibigan nila. They help each other’s assignments.”Minsan nga, nung nakita ako ni Ryle na mapagalitan ng teacher, pinagtakpan na niya ako. Kahit wala akong ginawang kasalanan. Inako niya ang anu mang pagkakamali ko.” It continues until they reach their final year at high school. Still they’re classmates. They are always going there and here, even on their swimming class every afternoon at their school’s poolyard. Many from their classmates are teasing them because of their closeness since third year. “They’re always asking me if Ryle and I na. I always say no. but to Ryle, he said yes to them para manahimik na.” Arden suddenly blushed. Still their friendship never end until one day on their graduation practice, he heard to some of their classmates that Ryle will be moving to Canada after the week of their graduation day, to pursue his college degree. “It’s like, history repeat itself. Nung elementary, I got the news to my other classmates that Gino will be returning to Saudi. And until now, Ryle will be leaving for Canada.”, he wondered. But he said to himself that, Preparation is better than cramming. Arden thinks a solution so that he will never be sad away from his “best friend”. He created a yearbook that looks like a scrapbook. He surveyed all of his classmates on their backgrounds and dedications. On the day of their grad, Arden created 2 copies – one for their adviser, and one for Ryle.

For all of Arden’s HS life, he also had second and third short term relationships – to Arjan Adio, and Pauric Palma, respectively. The later is an effeminate gay guy who hails from Biñan, Laguna who works near at Arden’s village. The same to with the former, a PUP-SR associate graduate of BS Entrepreneurial Management, who serves as a service crew of a fast food chain, also near to the village. “Pagnagkakasalubog kami ni Arjan or even just passing by the food chain, we oft to exchange smiles, meaning Hi.”

His HS life, gave him, distinctions since the second year. He got the 2nd classroom honors. Then in his 3rd year, he got the most cooperative, and lastly, his dream when he was 4th year, the biggest medal that the school had distributed, the Best in Computer, sponsored by CAL Singapore.

The Tangent Line: Tears of Fear and GLimpses of Joy

2010-02-17T10:36:00.000-08:00

His elementary days at Dominican College changed him a lot. When he was at the 1st grade, he became fond of the toys of the girls, like dolls and jump ropes, also liked the blocks or the lego. “Perhaps, both of it made me like this. Kung ano yung guto kong malaro noon, lalaruin ko.”

Also in his first grade, he likes watching the anime series like the sailormoon, and the most – Fushigi Yuugi (Curious Play), “All I can remember, ginagaya ko yung sinisigaw ni Usagi when she wants to transform, ‘Moon crystal power’. Then yung sa Fushigi Yuugi, everytime their opening theme song plays, I imitate to be the Suzaku Protector.”

1997 and 1999 – when Arden got a new sibling, named Cedrick Joseph. He really love his new sibling. Only a traumatic experience that made Arden strong – it was a family outing, when his brother is about 2 ½ years old, was been hitted by a jeep at his left foot. “Even though I was a child, nung nangyari yun, minumura ko na yung nakabangga. Feeling ko malakas ako, kaya kong makapatay ng tao. I kicked the vehicle many times for what they have done to my brother. Dinala na yung kapatid ko to the nearest hospital. Akalain mo, binayaran lang kami ng Php1000 for that. Just only a thousand pesos kapalit ng buhay ng kapatid ko. Its been a ridiculous. I said to myself that if I saw again that driver, I’m going to sent him to jail for what they have done. I want justice for my brother kahit safe na siya.” But after that, his brother’s grammar changed, talking to himself, when he is going to speak or say something, he is always looking at the ceilings and windows. When angry, kung ano-ano ang sinasabi that is out of the topic. “hostage daw yung pinapagalitan siya”. Even his brother is like that, still receives recognition every year. “One time pumunta sila sa PGH for consultation on my brother’s lifestyle. Pediatricians and Psychiatrists found out that my brother is suffering from 3 cases – PTHD, ADHD and Autism”, he explained.

For Arden, his grade 3 life, he had his first crush and named Gino Angelo Anore, a Filipino from Saudi Arabia. Everyday when Arden sees Gino it feels like eternal one. More magical. To true. “the worst part of it is August 2001, nalaman ko from my other classmates that Gino will be returning back to Saudi to pursue his studies there. Nung nakasalubong ko siya, hindi ko inaasahan na I spanked him. Nadine, our classmate who also have pagtingin to Gino, saw what I’ve done. Nagalit. Umatras ako. Lumayo. She followed me. Then, she caught me. She pinch me many times and still it hurts when I remembered it”.

The Tangent Line: The Tangent Line Started

2010-02-16T10:34:00.000-08:00

He shared his unforgettable moment to his FLIPPAGE Family that when he was aged 6, and as a preparatory student of Meridian Learning Institute (formerly Meridian Center for Learning), he had a friend (actually his neighbor), about an elementary, who kissed him at his young lips. And it is shockingly, a boy who kissed him. “I don’t know why Ian done on that day did. Basta all I can remember is we had done it many times. Ang alam namin, friendly kiss ang ginagawa namin pero hindi na pala. Kahit andoon ang other friends namin. And the last part of that is madaling araw yun ng May 1999, when our family moved to another place nearer sa work ni papa. Lumingon pa ako sa bahay nila in a distance and say goodbye.” Also hid preparatory life, gave him recognitions like Best in English and Science and became the Salutatorian of their class.

The Tangent Line: Introduction and Young Days

2010-02-15T10:25:00.000-08:00

Life keeps flinging surprises at Arden. As he reminisce his past life, from his childhood to the present, he suddenly stopped and looked around him. Looking at his achievements, his money, his friends’ pictures, seems like a dream come true. “It’s good to look at your past and study it for awhile. And when there is something that you remembered, your tears are slowly falling down”, he shared.

Having just moved to Laguna from Pangasinan when he was 2 years old, Arden and his parents Dennis and Arsenia, have been busy, from searching for a job, a comfy home, everything that is something to do with the survival. “If I’m just in their situation as parents, syempre mahirap makahanap ng work, a place where you could stay, pati food. Hindi pa ako sure kung scarce na ang food that time kahit sagana ako sa happy meal ng McDonald’s”, said with a chuckle.

As life goes on, Arden continues to face his young days with a smile and ends it with a kiss on a cheek. He then also shared to his site his life then and now, his struggles, his strengths and weaknesses, and how made his “tangent” life changed his nature.

Young Days

Arden started his formal schooling at the age of 5 at the Regina Coeli School at Sta. Rosa. For him, this is his first day; he can’t wait to start it. Also he can’t wait to know more about his new friends.

He added, “Nung Kindergarten pa ako, ang dami ko kaagad naranasan as a student – waking up for school early, being brought to school, sleeping while doing the flag ceremony, daily exercise, assignments, sunduin ako ni mama, walk home then rest. Feeling ko I’m working at the same time making new friends, chatting with them at minsan mapagalitan ako ng teacher dahil sa kaingayan.”

This Must be My New Year

2009-09-05T01:41:00.000-07:00

Another year for me, kasi birthday ko na. September 5, 1992 ako pinanganak that would be 17 years ago. Wow, parang kahapon lang September 4, my last day of being 16 years-old. Then September 5 na, kumbaga another year, another problems, and another lovelife na ba?

Parang napaka-awkward pakinggan na another lovelife ulet porket birthday ko na? Paano na lang ang pangako namin sa isa't-isa? Syempre hindi parin magbabago ang aming mga pinangako. sana walang makapagpabago ng mga sinabi namin. Pero lalong tumitibay ang mga pangako namin. Parang semento na sa umpisa mamasa, over the time, tumitigas at tumitibay kahit nabibiyak ng mga earthquakes at humidity.

What am I expecting to my new year? Madami. Mula sa sarili ko, sa paligid ko, at lalong lalo na ang mga mukhang dragong anghel ang mga magulang ko. HAHAHA! nademonyohan ako ulet! Walanjo talaga ang ugali ko - ang tigas talaga ng ulo, ubod ng pagkapasaway!

Anyway and anyhow, from myself, gusto ko maranasan ang pagiging workaholic para magka-money ako while studying. Looks mahirap diba, pero ok lang, nasanay na ako nung nasa highschool pa ako. Gusto ko na maging Semi-Mature na ulet. Bakit ko nasabi? kasi when i am depressed, nagiging bossy ako at hindi palangiti o palatawa, lagi akong nasa badd mood, nadadamay ang mga parents ko sa mga galit ko (ok nga yun para malaman nila kung sino ba ako), and gusto ko kahit alam na ng parents ko na ganito ako, sana hindi pa rin ako magbago.

Sa paligid ko? Actually, inggetero akong type na tao. Like what I said about the Bimale relationships here in the country, lalong dumarami at lalo akong naiinggit. lalo akong nasasaktan, lalong sumasakit ang mga nararamdaman ko. Pero iniisip ko na lang na sana dumating nga siya sa buhay ko. Ok lang na kahit pagkalingon ko andyan na sya kaagad. Pero imposible yun. Anu pa ba? Yung kung ano ang mga pinaniniwalaan ko ay tama. Syempre, I believe in the phrase of WHAT YOU SEE, IS WHAT YOU BELIEVE. Parang ang babaw naman ng pinagbabasihan ko. Pero look behind on that Motto. Kumbaga, Kung ano ang nakikita ng dalawa nating mga mata, for us na it is true. Tinagalog?

Sa boyfriend ko? ang wish ko? Sana matanggap na siya ng parents ko ng buong buo. Na wala kaming ginagawang mali. We are doing what is right to us. Tinutulungan niya nga ako. He comforts my sorrow, if i need him, handa siyang ibigay ang kung anu man ang kaya niyang ibigay. Natutuwa nga ako na nagkaroon ako ng boyfriend na napakabait, romantic, caring, iniisip ang kapakanan ng partner niya, looking forwardto our relationship. Pero ang hindi ko lang nagustuhan sa kanya is hindi niya kayang harapin ang parents ko - even to tell them na kami na ng boyfriend ko, na hindi niya ako sasaktan, na ibibigay ng parents ko ang tiwala sa kanya na iingatan niya ako. Actually, gusto kong sabihin sa lahat ang nagustuhan ko sa kanya at ang mga hindi. Hindi naman siya artista para ibunyag ko ang mga ginagawa niya at hindi ako si Lolit Solis. Basta ang gusto ko, matanggap ang boyfriend ko ng buong buo... or else XXIX sa braso!

Kina Dragon at Leon, ang masasabi ko lang, salamat kahit pasaway ako! hahaha ang drama ko! Tanggapin nyo na kasi ang boyfriend ko. He has a good intention on our relationship, especially sakin. Give the trust sa kanya na hindi niya ako sasaktan or lolokohin. Para sainyo kasi mukhang nagsisinungaling siya at hindi kapanipaniwala. Basta, darating ang araw na matatanggap nyo siya..

Yung sa ginagawa kong online novel na hindi ko pa naipopost, chapter one will be around this week ko na iyon ipopost. Baka abutin yon sa Chapter XXIX.. which is the number of our monthsary... konting teaser ulet sa novel ko, "Mawawala lang ang intimacy sa'tin, pero tayo pa rin. Ituturing kita na as my special brother, my bestfriend, and most of all my confidant. Walang magbabago pa rin. Matagal na ito sinasabi sakin ito ni God, even before na makilala kita. Sana maintindihan mo ako. Tayo pa rin kahit wala nang intimacy sa'tin."

Great Promises behind the Great Revelation

2009-08-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry kung binigo kita. matalas lang sila sakin ngayon. Sabi gusto nilang ibalik ang lahat ng binigay mo sakin frpm that bracelet to phone. pero sinabi mo, hindi. Alam ko na masakit tanggapin ngayon ang sitwasyon pero isipin mo, pansamantala lang ang lahat ng ito. Kahi nakita pa nila iyon, may plano't paran pa akong natitira sakin ng hindi nila alam. I dont loose hope on our relationship. Please magtiwala ka na this time sakin. Alam ko na naging pasaway ako sayo ngayon dahil hindi kita sinunod. Pero sana ngayon, maintindihan mo ulit ako.
Hindi ko kayang talikuran ang anuman satin. Oo napanindigan ko na sa kanila na ganito na ang personalidad ko at tanggap na nila. Ang point lang daw nila is, bakit ang aga? gusto ko sanang sabihin sa kanila na e sa naramdaman ko na ito. Pinipilit ko lang na hindi magpakahalata dahil ito sa disente at maayos tignan.
Sinasabi nila na ginagago ko na daw sila. Bakit minsan ko bang ginawa ang bagay na ayaw nila na sa tingin ko mali? sabihin na nating meron at biang lang. Syempre nirerespeto ko pa rin sila. But the respect that I deserve to get is missing. Kaya minsan ganito ako - katigasan ng ulo. Sana mapatawd mo ako.
Gumagawa ako ng maraming paraan mpara hindi tayo magkahiwalay, ayoko matapos ang ating relasyon ng maaga. Gusto ko ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko panghabangbuhay.
Please dont give up on us! kayanin natin an pinakamahirap na suliranin na ito. Bigyang pansin ang lahat. Pero wala akong si nasabing tapusin natin ang lahat ng ito. Kundi ipagpatuloy pero talagang lihim na ang lahat.
Lam mo, nung sinabi sakin nila mama na ibigay ko ang pangalan mo at address ng bahay natin, parang nawala ako sa diwa ako, hindi ko kagad naisabi sakanila dahil natatakot ako na baka may gawin silang masama sayo. Yan ang umiikot sakin kaht hanggnag ngayon. Hindi ako mapalagay, hindi ako makakain at makatulog, iniisip kita. Ang hindi ko sinabi ang parang balak mo akong pag-aralin sa PUP Sta Mesa. Kahit hindi mo sinabi sakin na diretcho na gusto mo akong pag-aralin doon, nahalata kita kaagad dahil sinabi mo ng paulit-ulit "gusto mo ba sa PUP?". Willing mo ibigay ang lahat para lang magkasama tayo. Sinasabi nila na pinapadama mo ako. Pero hindi yon totoo, dahil mas kilala kita.
Ang dami nilang nalaman tungkol sating dalawa, pati yung 29 natin nalaman nila. Hindi ko alam kung sinabi mo ba ang mga ito o ano. pati yung itago ko ang cellphone mo.
Basta, hold on tight. Dont loose your grip to me. Kahit masakit ang mga narinig natin mula sa kanila, hinding hindi ako bibitaw sa mga pangako natin. Remember, sabi mo sakin na "wag mo ako iiwan...", I assure you that I will never leave you. Hinding hindi ko iiwan ang Bryan Kim Terminio na nakilala ko, at minahal ako. Kumbaga si Bryan lang ang may karapatan na magpaligaya sakin. Ngayon nga dumami ang mga promices ko para satin. "Kahit may humahadlang, walang bibitaw", "Dont loose hope, hindi kita iiwan", "Gusto ko lagi akong nababantayan ng taong mahal ko", "Hinding hindi magbabago ang aking mga pangako ko sayo"...
Basta dad, dont give up! dont leave me! I cant live without you! Even a glance of your face and the sound of your voice and the warmth of your presence to me. Wag mo sanang kalimutan ang mga promices mo para sating dalawa. Ayokong umiyak ka umit dahil dito. Ginagawan ko lang ng paraan ang lahat. Masaya ako dahil hindi mo kailan man ginive up ang anu man sating dalawa. Sana ngayon hindi parin magbabago ang mga promices mo sakin.
As long as we both shall live, you and I will share forever.

Largest Planet with Lesser Dense

2009-04-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

newly discovered planet proved to be the biggest known planet outside of the Solar System. The new planet is located in the Hercules constellation and it was a surprise even for the astronomers. “We continue to be surprised by how relatively large these giant planets can be,” says Francis O’Donovan.
The planet is about 70 % larger than Jupiter, which is the largest planet in our Solar System, and has a smaller mass meaning that it has a very low density.
The new biggest one has a density of 0.2 grams per cubic centimeter which means, at least in theory, that it could float on water.
The dimensions of this planet can be hardly explained by the actual theories on superheated giants and it’s a theoretical problem for the scientists to explain its existence because it is so large, compared to its mass. But explaining the existence of these huge planets in their rough environments can clarify the formation of our Solar system and its planets.
The new planet was discovered by astronomers searching for transiting planets. A transiting planet is a planet which passes directly between the Earth and the star obstructing a part of the star’s light and slightly reducing its brightness. “TrES-4 blocks off about 1% of the light of the star as it passes in front of it,” said Dr Mandushev. “With our telescopes and observing techniques, we can measure this tiny drop in the star’s brightness and deduce the presence of a planet there.”
The newly discovered planet, called TrES-4 makes a complete revolution around its star every 3.55 days. In short, a year on the planet TrES-4 is shorter than a week on Earth.
But not only the newly discovered planet is extremely fascinating for scientists; its star is also very interesting to study. As Georgi Mandushev explains: “The host star of TrES-4 appears to be about the same age as our Sun, but because it is more massive, it has evolved much faster. It has become what astronomers call a ’subgiant’, or a star that has exhausted all of its hydrogen fuel in the core and is on its way of becoming a ‘red giant’, a huge, cool red star like Arcturus or Aldebaran.”

Smallest Cellphone

2009-04-18T01:41:00.000-07:00

During the 3GSM conference, every mobile phone manufacturer out there has launched cellphone after cellphone. Most of them got a lot of attention (this is the case of the Nokia E90 Communicatior, HTC’s Vox and Love handhelds, etc.) but there were others that are still to be discovered.
Probably the avalanche of handset releases we experienced in such a short time was the main reason a hand full of them never got under the media spotlight. The same fact may be the one thing that got all the technology related blogs and websites on the Internet to enter into a state of trance and accidentally skip out in their listings a few, or even more, of the devices launched at the 3GSM fair.
One of the phones deserving to get a closer look is the N2 from Neonode, an extremely small cellphone and one with a lot more qualities than you would think of at a first glance.
Besides being the smallest phone launched at 3GSM, the N2 is also a device that will surely end up on the wish list of many mobile phone loving people due to its spec sheet.
This quad-band GSM/GPRS midget sized phone works on 850, 900, 1800 and 1900 MHz networks and features a 2 inch 65k colors LCD display with a resolution of only 176×220 pixels (which in my opinion can be considered a serious drawback in the eyes of the potential buyers), wireless Bluetooth connectivity with Headset, Obex and FTP profiles support, Neonode WRR software to record music from Internet radio channels, a miniSD memory expansion card slot, a music player with MP3, WMA and WAV compatibility and a 2 megapixel digital camera capable of recording video clips using the MPEG4 format.
If you thought this is only a toy, it turns out you were wrong, to say the least, because this Lilliputian mobile communication device can fulfill every task you can think of in a snap.
If you want to connect it to your personal computer to transfer some files or update all the information available on the handset, you can use the USB cable which comes with the phone. When the phone is turned off, it will appear on your PC as a removable disk and the handset acts like a mass storage device.
The N2 uses an open platform so you can have access to the software and the features you want. Even better, if you are a skilled programmer and feel the software that comes with the device doesn’t quite suit your necessities, you can develop your own to get complete gratification using your newly bought mobile phone.
Also, in the Neonode Friends Zone, on the manufacturer’s website, free of charge updates are regularly released so you can upgrade your N2 and, even more, find out information on how you can develop your own software for its open platform.
The interface available on Neonode’s N2 cellphone is named Neno and, in some people’s opinion, it is a little tough to use. Well, it probably is at first but after using it a little, you will find out that it can make this phone a very easy to use device.
To access the main menu, you just have to sweep your finger up from the bottom left of the display, a sweep up from the middle of the start page will let you access the integrated keypad and by sweeping up from the bottom right side, you open a menu which gives you access to the tools bar.
Conclusion? A nice looking cellphone running on an open platform, with enough features on the spec sheet to satisfy even the most pretentious mobile user and the smallest handset at 3GSM (it measures 77×47x14.7 mm and weighs 70 grams).
Those things aren’t something to find in your average cellphone, don’t you think?

Grossest Kiss

2009-04-17T01:37:00.000-07:00

Tim Burton’s given us some pretty grisly sights—Sweeney Todd’s throat slittings, Danny DeVito as the Penguin, even Marky Mark kissing a monkey chick (honorable mention on this list)—but it was the wet one that the Now-Headed Horseman plants on Lady Van Tassel at the end of this adaptation of Washington “I also wrote Rip Van Winkle, bitches” Irving’s story that earns top honors. First, there’s Walken’s teeth—black, sickly and corroded like any reputable dead dude’s should be. Second, in the midst of smooching his newfound love, he makes the lady’s mouth bleed. Yeah, ew. Last, when she pulls away, her mouth is a bloody, shredded mess! She was an evil bitch and all that, but sheesh, guys. Now I need to clear my head and watch Frankenweenie.

Habitable Planet

2009-04-14T01:35:00.000-07:00

Aside from our planet earth that has support all living things, some scientists and astronomers that they found another planet that gives life possible.

1. habitable planet

Gliese 581 C marked a milestone in the search for worlds beyond our solar system. It is the smallest exoplanet ever detected, and the first to lie within the habitable zone of its parent star, thus raising the possibility that its surface could sustain liquid water, or even life. It is 50 percent bigger and 5 times more massive than Earth.

Sniffed Atmosphere

2009-04-14T01:30:00.000-07:00

2. sniffed atmosphere

HD 189733b was among the first planets to have its air”sniffed”. By analyzing light from the star-planet system, astronomers determined the planet’s atmosphere contains thick clouds of silicates similar to grains of sand. Curiously, no water vapor was detected, but scientists suspect it is hidden beneath the clouds.

Longest Song Title with Lyrics

2009-04-14T01:27:00.000-07:00

Recently, I am searching some collaborative songs in the net and one thing came in to my mind: should I search the longest song in the net?
Well there is a longest song, created by Rednix, a Swedish band. Consisting the 52 words and 305 characters, (including spaces). This how it goes:
“The Sad But True Story Of Ray Mingus, The Lumberjack Of Bulk Rock City, And His Never Slacking Stribe In Exploiting The So Far Undiscovered Areas Of The Intention To Bodily Intercourse From The Opposite Species Of His Kind, During Intake Of All The Mental Condition That Could Be Derived From Fermentation “
Lyrics:It’s been a pretty long time, baby
But now, I’m back in town
It’s time to leave your husband
Now you know that little clown

Last time we were seeing
Didn’t you beg for more
It’s OK with me as long
As you do it four on the floor

This is what I’m giving you, you’ll get it all tonight
You will be my lover, but not my tender wife
I’ll be harder than your husband, I’ll be harder than your man
I’ll hit you with my twenty inch until you can not stand
I’ll be harder than your husband, I’ll be harder than your man
I’ll hit you with my twenty inch until you can not stand

I’ve missed the little North Pole
On the bottom of my twister
Here’s the one-eyed-worm
Now you’ll never be a sister
Well, it’s time to leave now
You better walk her home
Don’t forget you underwear
You look pretty stoned

This is what I’m giving you, you’ll get it all tonight
You will be my lover, but not my tender wife
I’ll be harder than your husband, I’ll be harder than your man
I’ll hit you with my twenty inch until you can not stand

I’ll be harder than your husband, I’ll be harder than your man
I’ll hit you with my twenty inch until you can not stand
I’ll be harder than your husband, I’ll be harder than your man
I’ll be harder than your husband, I’ll be harder than your man

Longest Chemical Word

2009-04-14T01:25:00.000-07:00

ACETYLSERYLTYROSYLSERYLISOLEUCYLTHREONYLSERYLPROLYLSERYLGLUTAMINYLPHENYLALANYLVALYLPHENYLALANYLLEUCYLSERYLSERYLVALYLTRYPTOPHYLALANYLASPARTYLPROLYLISOLEUCYLGLUTAMYLLEUCYLLEUCYLASPARAGINYLVALYLCYSTEINYLTHREONYLSERYLSERYLLEUCYLGLYCYLASPARAGINYLGLUTAMINYLPHENYLALANYLGLUTAMINYLTHREONYLGLUTAMINYLGLUTAMINYLALANYLARGINYLTHREONYLTHREONYLGLUTAMINYLVALYLGLUTAMINYLGLUTAMINYLPHENYLALANYLSERYLGLUTAMINYLVALYLTRYPTOPHYLLYSYLPROLYLPHENYLALANYLPROLYLGLUTAMINYLSERYLTHREONYLVALYLARGINYLPHENYLALANYLPROLYLGLYCYLASPARTYLVALYLTYROSYLLYSYLVALYLTYROSYLARGINYLTYROSYLASPARAGINYLALANYLVALYLLEUCYLASPARTYLPROLYLLEUCYLISOLEUCYLTHREONYLALANYLLEUCYLLEUCYLGLYCYLTHREONYLPHENYLALANYLASPARTYLTHREONYLARGINYLASPARAGINYLARGINYLISOLEUCYLISOLEUCYLGLUTAMYLVALYLGLUTAMYLASPARAGINYLGLUTAMINYLGLUTAMINYLSERYLPROLYLTHREONYLTHREONYLALANYLGLUTAMYLTHREONYLLEUCYLASPARTYLALANYLTHREONYLARGINYLARGINYLVALYLASPARTYLASPARTYLALANYLTHREONYLVALYLALANYLISOLEUCYLARGINYLSERYLALANYLASPARAGINYLISOLEUCYLASPARAGINYLLEUCYLVALYLASPARAGINYLGLUTAMYLLEUCYLVALYLARGINYLGLYCYLTHREONYLGLYCYLLEUCYLTYROSYLASPARAGINYLGLUTAMINYLASPARAGINYLTHREONYLPHENYLALANYLGLUTAMYLSERYLMETHIONYLSERYLGLYCYLLEUCYLVALYLTRYPTOPHYLTHREONYLSERYLALANYLPROLYLALANYLSERINE
Tobacco Mosaic Virus, Dahlemense Strain.This word has appeared in the American Chemical Society’s Chemical Abstracts and is thus considered by some to be the longest real word.

Manny Pacquiao at 5 Peso Bill

2009-04-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

Filipinos are very proud of Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao. Many suggested that there must be a bill created after him. And I think, this is the bill.

The Heart and Soul Nebulas

2009-04-14T01:20:00.000-07:00

Is the heart and soul of our Galaxy located in Cassiopeia? Possibly not, but that is where two bright emission nebulas nicknamed Heart and Soul can be found. The Heart Nebula, officially dubbed IC 1805 and visible in the above zoomable view on the right, has a shape reminiscent of a classical heart symbol. Both nebulas shine brightly in the red light of energized hydrogen. Several young open clusters of stars populate the image and are visible above in blue, including the nebula centers. Light takes about 6,000 years to reach us from these nebulas, which together span roughly 300 light years. Studies of stars and clusters like those found in the Heart and Soul Nebulas have focussed on how massive stars form and how they affect their environment.

Fetus nebula

2009-04-14T01:18:00.000-07:00

Compact and round, NGC 7008 is recognized as a planetary nebula about 2,800 light-years distant in the nebula rich constellation of Cygnus. This impressive telescopic view shows off NGC 7008’s remarkable colors and details by the skillful combination of broad band and narrow band images from two different telescopes with about 12 hours of total exposure time. The intriguing assortment of features within the nebula’s approximately 1 light-year diameter suggest its popular name, the Fetus Nebula, but planetary nebulae are not associated with star birth. Instead, nebulae like NGC 7008 are produced during a brief phase that sun-like stars pass through toward the end of their lives. Ejecting their outer layers, the stars cool to eventually become white dwarf stars, like the star seen near the center of NGC 7008. This colorful image also includes an unrelated but still lovely gold and blue binary star system just below NGC 7008.

Solstice to Solstice

2009-04-14T01:17:00.000-07:00

Today is an equinox, a date when day and night are equal. Tomorrow, and every day until the next equinox, the night will be longer than the day in Earth’s northern hemisphere, and the day will be longer than the night in Earth’s southern hemisphere. An equinox occurs midway between the two solstices, when the days and nights are the least equal. The picture is a composite of hourly images taken of the Sun above Bursa, Turkey on key days from solstice to equinox to solstice. The bottom Sun band was taken during the winter solstice in 2007 December, when the Sun could not rise very high in the sky nor stay above the horizon very long. This lack of Sun caused winter. The top Sun band was taken during the summer solstice in 2008 June, when the Sun rose highest in the sky and stayed above the horizon for more than 12 hours. This abundance of Sun caused summer. The middle band was taken during the Vernal Equinox in 2008 March, but it is the same sun band that Earthlings will see today, the day of the Autumnal Equinox.

Shrinking Planet

2009-04-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of a planet that shrinks over the time? For the first time in my life, I heard about this planet. As a planet searcher or should I say an astronomer, I was amazed to this planet - slowly shrinks. This planet that I will show to you now at the third spot.

3. srinking planet

A year on HD209458b is only 3.5 Earth-days long. The planet orbits so close to its star that its atmosphere is being blown away by gales of stellar wind. Scientists estimate the planet is losing at least 10,000 tons of material every second. Eventually, only a dead core of the shrinking planet will remain.

The Door Still Keeps Me Buzzing

2009-04-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

For the past weeks that I’ve experienced from hatred, depression, and unbelieve, I had concluded to close the “door” to that person and open another “door”. From the past door, at first, I had experienced happiness, delight, and contentment. As time goes by, bitterness and jealous overcomes us. That door decided to close his door to me and search another one that will fulfill his qualifications to him. Innocently, his door in my heart still opened, waiting to return and apologize for what he have done. Stupidity make me believe that he will come back and accept me again. It’s been so nice for him that he make me believe that he still love me, but not.
As soon the courage comes to me and face his quo, I honestly confessed my love to him, my undying love, but, he insisted my confession. He just ignored my words of bravery and told me to wake up! My heart really explode to what I have just heard from his devilish mouth. My eyes started to pour down tears to my pinkish cheeks and can’t believe that he will say that words to me. I called out all of my friends to help me out from this problem. There are such quotations that made me inspire like:
“Don’t close the door if you still love that person, if not, close it permanently.”,
“If you still love the past, it’s not a reasonable reason to open another door unless the other door from the past is now closed.”,
“You can’t cross the two lakes at the same time.”
As for that moment, another door is waiting to be opened, it is knocking too loud. I hurriedly opened that door and welcomed that person. We get to know each other, open such topics bout work, school, family, and relationships. This person suddenly confessed love to me and I try to see if this person will never make me so stupid unlike to my past. I want to have a happy, healthy, and vibrant relationship.
But here again, the past door is breaking the chains into pieces, trying to enter again and buzz my happy life with my hubby. I don’t want this person destroy our relationship just because of me. But, one question: Can I secretly love the past, just for strength and friendship, even though I have my new one now?
Please respond immediately…..
Need advices

Brave New World

2009-04-12T05:11:00.000-07:00

5. brave new world

The youngest exoplanet yet discovered is less than one million years old and orbits Coku Tau 4, a star 420 light-years away. Astronomers inferred the planet’s presence from an enormous hole in the dusty disk that girdles the star. The hole is 10 times the size of Earth’s orbit around the Sun and probably caused by the planet clearing a space in the dust as it orbits the star.

Real Geezer

2009-04-12T01:11:00.000-07:00

Before the solar system were created, there is a single planet ever lived and gets the fourth spot.

4. real geezer
The oldest known planet is a primeval world 12.7 billion years old that formed more than 8 billion years before Earth and only 2 billion years after the Big Bang. The discovery suggested planets are very common in the universe and raised the prospect that life began far sooner than most scientists ever imagined.

A World of Fire and Ice

2009-04-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

Planet Earth has hot and cold regions. Equatorial part is the hottest part and and the polar ice caps are the coldest ones. But this planet, has also parts where hot and cold was. The front side is the hottest, like living furnice. But, the back side is so cold like there’s an endless winter. This next planet hits the sixth top spot.

6. A world of fire and ice
Upsilon Andromeda b is tidally locked to its sun like the Moon is to Earth, so one side of the planet is always facing its star. This setup creates one of the largest temperature differences astronomers have ever seen on an exoplanet. One side of the planet is always hot as lava, while the other is chilled possibly below freezing.

Zippy Planet

2009-04-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

Our planet earth spins around the sun about 365 days, mercury is 88 days and pluto is about 245 years. But have you ever heard about a planet who spins about 10 hours (equivalent to 2 times a day)? This planet hits the seventh spot.

7. Zippy Planet
SWEEPS-10 orbits its parent star from a distance of only 740,000 miles, so close that one year on the planet happens every 10 hours. The exoplanet belongs to a new class of zippy exoplanets called ultra-short-period planets (USPPs), which have orbits of less than a day.

Free Floating Planet

2009-04-09T01:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever imagined if our solar system does have more than single sun? It would be so hot. This next entry gets the eighth spot.

8. Free Floaters

There are known exoplanets that have one, two and even three suns. But one bizarre class of planet-sized objects has no suns at all, and instead floats untethered through space. Called “planemos” the objects are similar to, but smaller than, brown dwarfs, failed stars too small to achieve stellar ignition.

Closest Planet

2009-04-08T04:43:00.000-07:00

Bored in looking to the same solar system? Are you looking for real adventure outside the system’s endless discovery? This next entry gets the ninth spot in our countdown.

9. Closest Planet
Epsilon Eridani b orbits an orange Sun-like star only 10.5 light years away from Earth. It is so close to us telescopes might soon be able to photograph it. It orbits too far away from its star to support liquid water or life as we know it, but scientists predict there are other stars in the system that might be good candidates for alien life.

The First

2009-04-07T03:14:00.000-07:00

Are you bored to our Solar System’s Planets? Even though Pluto was diminished to our system and still considered as a planet? How about the outside the solar system, have you ever seen such extra ordinary planets, that some say, that looks like and size-like our planet Earth? Here is the one of the most intriguing exosolar planet.

10. The First

51 Pegasi b was the first planet discovered in orbit around a normal star other than our Sun. The planet, a hot Jupiter, also goes by the moniker “Bellerphon” after the Greek hero who tamed winged-horse Pegasus, in reference to the constellation Pegasus where the planet is located.

the Seahorse of the Large Magellanic Cloud

2009-04-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

It may look like a grazing seahorse, but the dark object toward the image right is actually a pillar of smoky dust about 20 light years long. The curiously-shaped dust structure occurs in our neighboring Large Magellanic Cloud, in a star forming region very near the expansive Tarantula Nebula. The energetic nebula is creating a star cluster, NGC 2074, whose center is visible just off the top of the image in the direction of the neck of the seahorse. The representative color image was taken last year by the Hubble Space telescope’s Wide Field Camera 2 in honor of Hubble’s 100,000th trip around the Earth. As young stars in the cluster form, their light and winds will slowly erode the dust pillars away over the next million years.

Half Man Half Tree

2009-04-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

Manila Realms

2009-04-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

Manila - Philippine’s capital and largest city in the country. Where the dreams of every Filipino, opportunities overflow, destiny of the youth, and the different cultures are found all here only at Manila. Smiles and frowns, delight and sorrow, upper and below people are some people’s feelings.
Manila is famous for its high rise buildings, busy streets, honking of vehicles, parties, gigs, geographical topography, landmarks, world renouned schools, and universities and for the palace where the president lives.
Behind these positive things about Manila, poverty is still shown, even at our own government, the discrimination amongthe lesser people around the metro, the upliftment of prostitution among the youth, graft and corruption, and luxury life of people that embarked to each minds of Filipinos.
As I was strolling at the Roxas Boulevard, I saw almost on what’s happening in the country: sleeping in the street, begging for alms, fishing and swimming at the salty but smelly sea side, selling cold desserts, pearls, and american vintage coins (available at US Embassy?). In a single minute, a beggar came into us and he would like to share his “biko” to us. But my mother insisted to accept the invitation. Instead, she gave in a cup of water and she stare to him like she’s disgusted.
Let’s get in focus, if I will be the next mayor of Manila City, I will restore everything from culture, fashion, lifestyle, schools, curfew hours. People who are living in the streets, will be given housing plans, jobs and right to study for their children. Cultural shows must be done every week so that we can feel and show to our other Filipino people that our culture must not fade to black, it must be uplift more and more until we reach the highest peak.
But before that to happend, here I am, studying…

Now that Highschool is Finally Over

2009-04-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

I want to share to you my classmate's poem... He made it right just after the graduation but he posted it this afternoon... Many gave comments to him and they liked it. For me, he will be the next MOST PROMISING JUNIOR POET...

"Now that Highschool is Finally Over"

Now that highschool is finally over
And in our caps, we pulled down the 'lever'
I hope nobody is a repeater
Because we already defeated this 'challenger'

Now that highschool is finally over
Using all guts, courage, and faithful prayer
Going to college is no small matter
Because we need to push our limits a little higher

Now that highschool is finally over
I hope everyone is now a believer
For He will not lead us on any danger
Because He's our only lifesaver

Now that highschool is finally over
I hope nobody here is feeling bitter
Even me, your beloved speaker
Hoped and wished it would last forever.

Letter to her Graduating Students

2009-03-27T23:10:00.000-07:00

Congratulations!
Today is the day that you have waited for. The day wherein you can get the fruit of your labor and receive the reward of all hardships that you have done, but I want you to remember that this is not the end, but just the beginning of your journey going to your dreams.
After this day, you will step on the next level of your journey. Hold on to the instructions of God has given. You may encounter trials and obstacles while you are on your journey so you have to stand firm. Do not compromise. Do not let the youth of this world influence you but rather influence them by the truth and good values that you have learned from God’s Word, from your Alma Mater and at home. Always buy the truth, do not sell it, and get discipline, wisdom and understanding.
Let God and your parents be your inspiration while pursuing to reach your goal. Always remember that you are a treasure from heaven and what God has plan for you to lead, to prosper and to have a good future. Let the plan of God in you be clear so that you will not be confused about God’s purpose in your life. But rest assure that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens us and you will receive all the things you will desire if you will seek first His Kingdom.
When yime comes that you have fought the good fight and finished the race, learn to look back and acknowledge those people who help you to reach your goal and help you to make your dreams possible like your parents, teachers, and your Alma Mater. Though you work hard for it, the truth is you cannot accomplish your goal without the help of God and without their help. Bear it in your mind, God Bless us to bless others too.
Let humbleness always live in your heart. Do not boast in anyway and in any reason for the Lord lifted up those who humble themselves before Him. I wish you all the best and looking forward to see you as a future leader. God Bless you.

ECS Graduation Rites

2009-03-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

As a graduate of Emmanuel Christian School, I am proud to say that, I am a proud Emmanuelian. Being an Emmanuelian is the most memorable experience in a students life who studies in ECS. Many had said that in this school, teachers will bombarded you to everyday assignments, the rules will make you unmovable, the voice of the directress will make your feet step backward and starts to run. But they are wrong, being an Emmanuelian, the teachers will treat you as their own, the rules will make your dreams in just a snap away, and the directress will guide you to the righteousness.
As a former Emmanuelian, we are going to go out now to this “well-loved by many people” institution. We will miss our advisers, our classmates, batchmates, lower levels, the school, everything. As this graduation tells us that, we’ve done it, but still, the pain and happiness will remain ini this institution.
In our graduation rite, everything gone better than the past graduations because our batch will be the first to use the new sanctuary (the new WISDOM Church). We are so delighted that after many months that this new sanctuary was constructed by small but hard-working hand, at last its already finish. The rite was started at 5.00 pm sharp and the first performers are the church dancers dancing the song in the book of revelation that goes like, “Father Almighty who will reign forever”. Then the entrance of the Phlippine Flag, Emmanuelian Flag, the Flags of Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit, followed by the entrance of the teachers ans staff. Then the entrance of the Colors of Sections of Fourth Year with their respective advisers. At this moment, we didn’t imagine that our well-loved adviser, Ms, Amabel Rivera, attend to this said event for our sake. We trully missed her for at least 7 months. Each section presents their own banner with each names of their section in it.
Then a Worship Dance was the opening number for the rite made by sectios Job and Habakkuk. After the performance, the opening of Pledges, from the Panatang Makabayan (Pledge to our Country), Pledge to the Holy Bible, and Pledge to the Christian Flag. Then the Confirmation of the Graduates lead by our Principal, Mr. Rogelio Galang and by the president of ECS, Rev. Dr. Pastor Renato Ilmedo. We are so delighted that we are called now gratuates for we completed succesfully the requirements needed. Then our guest speaker, Rev. Dr. Pastor Eli Javier, spake to us about education and some outside matters. He told us to save for our future so that we can contribute our knowledge to the country. He opened a video bout a person who doesnt have 4 limbs but, he is a pastor in their town. No one from us graduates imagine that kind of person. Having informalities in his body, still he gave his life to God.

The distribution of diplomas is next, as we are receiving our diplomas in frame, there is a slideshow about our selves and what we will be in the future. But the slideshow is bit clumsy and sometimes got hanged or wrong. All went done.
The section Proverbs present a interpretive dance bout a father and a son. After that, the presentation of special awards. Many got these mouth-watering awards ever since this institution was stood. First is the Leadership award, wherein students who show sportsmanship, being a leader and leading the students into righteousness. Followed by the Best in conduct - students who show orderliness in the classroom. Thirdly is the Best in Computer award - who showed the deportment in advancements of technology. Then the best in Arts - who showed cleanliness in their artworks that may be the next Amorsolo. Then the best in Writing, students who showed cleanliness in their notes. Lastly is the Most Cooperative, who actively cooperates in school activites. Sportsmanship award was given to those who lift the name of ECS in terms of sports like basketball, volleyball, and swimming. lastly is the Loyalty Award, students who make ECS as their foundation since nursery.
Last Awarding ceremony is the Honorable mentions. The most Award that was distributed came from the section Proverbs. Claiming the Fifth to Third Honorable Mentions, First Honorable mention and Valedictorian. Our Class Valedictorian became touchy when he spoke infront of us, he became so emotional when he said that we are going to separate our ways and leave this institution.
Then Pledge of Loyalty saying…”to exemplify the desirable Christian Values, Strengthen family ties, selflessly involve ourselves in helping others, to strive to contribute to national growth and prosperity, as embodied to our commitment to God, to our country, and to our home.”
Last performance was made by sections Psalms and Ecclesiasies entitled “Love Will be Our Home”. This presentation was presented in a different way - hand miming. Telling that we trully need the love of our parents because without them, we are nothing. Lastly is our Alma Mater Song.
Doxology then Recessional where we graduates of ECS are proud because we are now graduates and we are facing another stepping stone - the College life. But this is different, no one cried!
We are going to miss each of everyone of us. As a remembrance, we give our cellphone numbers to our classmates and keeping in touch in college. Also, we are planning to have a reunion maybe in the middle of college life or after 5 years.
Simply, this batch is the best of all batches from Emmanuel Christian School.

Love Story by Taylor Swift

2009-03-20T00:34:00.000-07:00

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I’m standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don’t go, and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting all there’s left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet ’cause we’re dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

‘Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don’t go and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting all there’s left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it’s real
Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess
It’s a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me I’ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
You’ll never have to be alone
I love you and that’s all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It’s a love story baby just say yes
Oh, oh, oh, oh‘
Cause we were both young when I first saw you

Love will be Our Home

2009-03-19T00:34:00.000-07:00

If home is really where the heart is
Then home must be a place that we all share
for even withour difference our hearts are much the same
And where love is we come together there.
Wherever there is laughter ringing
Someone smiling, someone dreaming
We can live together there
Love will be our home.
Where there are children singinig
Where a tender heart is beating
We can live together there
Love will be our home
With love our hearts can be a family
And hope can bring this family face to face
And though we may be far apart our hearts can be as one
When love brings us together in one place.
Wherever there is laughter ringing
Someone smiling, someone dreaming
We can live together there
Love will be our home.
Where there are words of kindness spoken
Where a vow is never broken
We can live together there
Love will be our home
Love will, love will be our home
Love will, love will be our home
Love will, love will be our home
Love will, love will be our home
Chorus

A Little Too Not Over You by David Archuleta

2009-03-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

It never crossed my mind at allThat’s what I tell myselfWhat we had is come and goneYou better offer someone elseIt is for the bestI know it isBut I see you
Sometimes I try to hideWhat I feel insideAnd I turn aroundYou’re with him nowI just can’t figure it out
Tell me whyYou’re so hard to forgetDon’t remind meI’m not over itTell me whyI can’t seem to face the truthI’m just a little too not over you
Memories suppose to fadeWhat’s wrong with my heartShake it off let it goDidn’t think it would be this hardShould be strong, moving onBut I see you
Sometimes I try to hideWhat I feel insideAnd I turn aroundYou’re with him nowI just can’t figure it out
Tell me whyYou’re so hard to forgetDon’t remind meI’m not over itTell me whyI can’t seem to face the truthI’m just a little too not over you
Maybe I regretEverything I saidAnd there’s no wayTo take it all backYeahNow I’m on my ownI wont let you goI’ll never understandI’ll never understandYeah, ohhh.
Tell me whyYou’re so hard to forgetDon’t remind meI’m not over itTell me whyI can’t seem to face the truthI’m just a little too not over you
Tell me whyYou’re so hard to forgetDon’t remind meI’m not over itTell me whyI can’t seem to face the truthAnd I really don’t know what to doI’m just a little too not over you
Not over you, ooh.
Upon my listening to this song, I remember my ex fling boyfriend. I could relate to the whole music video of David Archuleta’s “A Little Too Not Over You”. It’s like telling me that the happy memories that we’ve made and done at my house, at the park and at some dates we’ve done. I really miss my ex fling boyfriend.
“You’re so hard to forget”. This line makes my heart cry out loud, everytime I see his pictures here at my computer, or even at my mp4, I want all of my days and nights spend with him. All of my hopes and dreams are always him. Why is he is so hard to forget to me? He is that man I want for myself, even it is so complicated to be as possible. As I am alone in my house, or even with my parents and siblings, i renounce his name again and again, for me this is a ritual that you are calling him from afar just to come near to you (maybe this is true to others). He is that guy that I am looking for: spending the whole day and night kissing, stopping him from drinking liquor, using cigar, avoiding him to being a shopaholic, would love him, who would accept him as he is, as a whole him (what ever he is). All of that is all fit for me, but why did we lasted for just 15 days or shorter than that? Why he didn’t let me do those things for him, to prove that I am fit for him.
“I can’t seem to face the truth”. Even the truth are all complicated this times, I still believe that one time we will bumped to each other and we will be as boyfriend again, but not in a short period of time.
“Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside. And I turn around, you’re with him now. I just can’t figure it out”. This is the wrost experience to all people who have experienced break-ups, cool offs, even I, experienced that. It is so painful to the person who saw that kind of scene. You have already him them you are looking for another one, that is so ridiculous? Why, are you not contented with him? Well this is the line that I want to tell to all people who are looking for mroe even they have boyfriends or girlfriends. It is so hard to accept that your girlfriend or your boyfriend, has another not even telling you .
“Memories supposed to fade”. Past is past. We must forget what happend to our past - the bad one. I just can’t understand why now a days, many teens, especially me, can’t let the past things or happenings be put to an end, like a fading in the fog? Is it because that they give pleasure to each other? Is it because that there’re beautiful memories that must not put to an end? or Maybe, must fade because there is more better than the past? My teacher in english told me that we must forget the past happenings in terms of relationships, because in the future there will be something that is more expectations that we should expect.
“Should be strong, moving on”. After that big tragedy in our love life, or in just a plain life that we have, we should move on for a better one. Yes we should be, because if we are still minding the worst things, we are still have the bandages of the past worst happenings in our lives. It’s hard to let the things that made you and your past love life put to a period. Let this past be a part of your experience and an inspiration. For me, He is now an inspiration, but I need him. He is SO HARD TO FORGET!

Thinking of You by Katy Perry

2009-03-12T03:36:00.000-07:00

Thinking Of You Chords by Katy Perry
(verse 1)comparasons are easily doneonce you’ve had a taste of perfectionlike an apple handing from a treei pick the ripest on i still got the seed
(pre-chorus)you said move on where do i goi guess second best is all i will know
(chorus)cause when im with him i am thinking of you, thinking of youwhat you would do ifyou were the one who was spending the nightoh i wish that i was looking into your eye
(verse 2)you’re like an indian summer in the middle of winterlike a hard candy with a surprise centerhow do i get better once ive had the bestyou said there’s tons of fish in the watersso the waters i will test
(pre-chorus)he kissed my lips i taste your mouthhe pulled me in, i was discussed with myself
(chorus)cause when im with him i am thinking of you, thinking of youwhat you would do ifyou were the one who was spending the nightoh i wish that i was looking into your….
(bridge)the best and oh i do regrethow could i let myself let you goand now, now the lessons learnedi touched and i was burnedoh i think you should know
(chorus)cause when im with him i am thinking of you, thinking of youwhat you would do ifyou were the one who was spending the nightoh i wish that i was looking into your eye, your eyes, your eyewont you walk through andbust down the door and take me away no more mistakescause in your eyes i’d like to stay
Listen to the song of Katy Perry - Thinking of You. This song trully gave me an inspiration to write again here. Why did I said that? Because the meaning of this song is telling me something in my past, especially to my ex-boyfriends. The apple that hangs in the tree and someone get the seeds, meaning that the person is the apple and the word “someone gets”, is the person who will took the person into perfection and the “seeds” is the characteristics that never lasts - which is LOVE.
“You we’re the one who was spending the night”, tells the listener that they are not alone in the night because there is someone who guides them, who protects them, and who loves them so much.
I remember the scene of my friend, who is a girl, whith her boyfriend in their (the girl’s) garage. I saw them sitting so closely, I can’t tell if this is true, kissing each other. My eyes got big when I saw them. I remember in my past the things that I and my ex-boyfriend done last semestral break. I still remember what we’d done that night. I want to cry to this song because the music video of this song is a solder who has a wife, or should I say his fiance, leave for an action in a battle. In the end, his lover received a telegram that her man was shot in an action and died. She is preparing for the mourning ceremony for her man. It was shown in the music video their most memorable memories in the past. All of their days and nights, they spent it alone - with smiles in their faces, comfort, guidance.
”Cause in your eyes I’d like to stay”. If i will say this to my love, I will do it with some touchy feeling or I will cry, because i don’t want my love to be gone for good, I want my love to be with me everyday of my life. I can picture what should happend when i say this. I want to stop the rotationg of the earth so that we’re together forever, holding each other’s hand. then I kissed my love so tenderly and likes ther’s no more tomorrow.
I am hoping that my love and I will be back again. Because that person really taught me on how to love the real. And I want that person to be with me forever until my eyes got closed.

Moon, Mercury, Jupiter, and Mars

2009-03-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

When the Moon rose in predawn skies on February 23rd, it sported a sunlit crescent. It also offered early morning risers a tantalizing view of earthshine, the dark portion of the lunar disk illuminated by sunlight reflected from the Earth. Of course, on that morning a remarkable conjunction with three wandering planets added an impressive touch to the celestial scene. Recorded just before sunrise, this serene skyview looks east toward a glowing horizon across Tuggerah Lake on the Central Coast of New South Wales, Australia. Along with the waning crescent Moon, the picture captures (top to bottom) bright Mercury, Jupiter, and Mars.

The Rejected One

2009-03-03T17:49:00.000-08:00

I
Before when I saw you at the corner,
I felt that you’re really alone
So I came at your side and ask what’s wrong
You said nothing, nothing at all
So I go and I let you there
II
I don’t even realized that the
Person I’ve ever talked is new
So I came again and make friends
At that person
That person accepted my hand
As a friend
A friend that would be at his
Side forever as bests
As a friend that would help that
Person in any problems
III
It is almost everybody that I
Saw that person at my side.
It is like my brethren that
Would never leave that person
Brethren
It is somewhere that would
Protect you in any cases of life.
It is likewise that a pencil
Would be sharpening in a sharpener.
It is more than I feel for this
Person, - more than a brethren
IV
If it is more than brethren, then
It would be love.
So I secretly hide my feelings to
That person that I accepted as
My brethren.
That person doesn’t even realized that
The person accepted that person as that
Person’s brethren, has a true feelings
At that person.
No body should tell what’s love?
Love is blind and a battlefield,
And a warrior conquers a land!
V
Secretly, that persons always never
Parted. No fought, no selfishness.
That persons brother don’t know why
That person love that person
It’s just erupted at that person
Heart.
A heart who has an amorous one kind of love
It would be a mirthful one to have
That person in life
VI
Esteem may not just that kind of love
Devotions on a person you love or
The passion that we want to desire
Love is what a person need in life
Love is what each of us been wanting for
Wanting that love would last till death.
Till death do thy parthend?
VII
One-day dream said that who would love
A person like me?
A person who would take care for thy me?
A person who would cherish my life
Forever?
A person who understands the real
Myself as I?
A person who would mirthfully my life
Foreverlasting?
VIII
No body should hypothesized my real
Situation in present times
I’d even not know why should I love
The same one?
Isn’t because that the one is the most flinty
Person that I’ve ever meant to saw in
My life.
Isn’t that person is the one who is boast
In life, not in books but in real life
That person would enmity my self as
A whole
IX
Morning sunshine came, I’ve saw my
Amorous but brainful creature
I’d though that would just still
At my side for a moment
But it wouldn’t happen even just
A glimpsed of his face
I’d always face at him but not
Was happened
I’d never know that the person that
I’ve captured in a piece of paper
Was a person with a huge joke.
X
Then on that cold day, I’d saw the
Person that my brother loved before
Yea, known faced, known attitude,
And known creature
A gorgeous face was I’ve seen.
It’s ok for me but that person
Changed a lot?
That person is a sophisticated?
XI
In a dusk dark night, somebody
Answers the desk phone
It was true; I’m vacorous in mind,
Departed, and ashamed?
I don’t know why I’m like that?
But no one knows why shouldn’t
Deserved this title
XII
“Can we just parth away and just
Not to talk each one of us,
“Cause I’d think of it, not that
I’d wanted we parthen apart.”
Tears fall from my chin, “isn’t that
We should not to communicate.”
“Maybe answer is yes maybe not!”
Maybe I’d deserved to be rejectable
Person who would just
Thrown away from ones heart
Should I move to? Or not?

The Second Chance

2009-03-02T18:26:00.000-08:00

I
I always knelt down and cry
Why am I crying?
Isn’t am I just acting, playing, joking,
Or I’m depressed
Yea I’m depressed for nobody
Loves me
No one likes to love me
But I think they liked too
But not today for sure
Maybe in the future
II
I always seeing from my left
And my right, fronts and backs
The couples and relationships
Which normally a creature would do.
Even in telecommunications, people
Are now engaged
But who am I, do I need to
Be engaged? Do I need to?
Who would it be? Would it be you or
Someone else?
III
But my heart says loudly that
He chose you
Cause my heart believes that
You will take its cared of
I’ve fallen to anybody here on
Earth but I’m busted as always
I’ve tried all of I know to
Fall in love that nothing still busted
I’ve used so many names to hide
My real identity but still busted
IV
I’m here on earth to be loved
And be a lover to you as of course
I’m here for shall I protect and
Be protected by your love
I’m here for I want to be your
Lover and your pea
For a lover knows most what a
Love is
For a pea, little things make
Big difference
V
I want you cause you chose me
For you deserve to hold my heart
I want you cause my forlorned
Heart needs excultion
I want cause I’m alone and
Depressed, frigid, what’s frigid?
I want you cause I believe that
You can complete my life
I want you cause I love you
Even when there’s a third party
VI
Red lips makes my day mirthful
For this means I do care
Blue eyes makes my day imaginative
For this means I do want to live with you
White walls makes my day innocent
For this says shh!!! Babe, hug me!!!
Pink cheeks makes my day blushy
For this says I saw my love
Black roses makes my day alive
For it congratulates me that means
I love you very much
VII
When I’m down I needed
A hand to hold
When I’m sad I needed
A shoulder to cry on
When I’m happy I needed
A warm hug
When I’m sincere I needed
Serious hugs and feelings
When I’m alone I needed
A person who would love me -
And it was you
VIII
I almost kill my self for
All of my crushes who busted me
I want my life put to an end
When my heart broked out
I want my life be happy as
Music of harp softly plays
Kill my self would deter me to
Reach my future goals
But you’ve come, you’ve stop my
Plan to kill my self
IX
Hug me for I’m alone
Alone means no one cares
Talk to me for I’m depressed
Depressed as a lonely sailor in a lonely sea
Hold my hand for I don’t want
To be far from you
Love me for all of you know
Love as true person
Kiss me for this will make my days
Change cause my love kissed me
X
How can I love you
Maybe like this
How can I care for you
Maybe like that
How can I cherish you
Maybe like those
How can you love I
How can you care for I
How can you cherish my life
If without me
XI
But now I know how to love
A simple kind of you
Yeah loving you is the hardest one
But if you take it carefully
It may last forevermore
But what if love takes easy
It looks like a play form a theater
So am I the one? and
Are you the one for me?

The Rain Falls on My Sad Life

2009-03-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

I
What a superb day approached me
when I rouse on my bed
What a beautiful it is
birds chirping on the tree top
Sings a lovely song for my love
yeah for my love
But when I come across the sky
to see the the day comed
Clouds turned into a gloomy one
starts to cry and squezze out it’s lonliness
II
My mind glimpsed a past happenings
Obscure days without my love
I would laugh out loud until
I close my eyes and scream
Snivel to say that “Babe, you almost
Forgotten who trully hold dearly you”
“How can I endure
this days without you?”
“I can’t trully can say why did
you do this to me?”
III
I stroll my feet outside world
To feel the lonliness of being melancholy
I hold close my self
And feel the sadness of being rejected
I amble around the city to search
What’s love trully man?
But nobody come back with my
Question
So I scurry to forget all
Of my distessed heart for good or worse
IV
I would peep out in my window
To check my damn shit day
Still rain falls on my
Damn life
I want to flowers bloom out
Like a newly hached egg from a dinosaur
I want the books that
I’ve already read
Also mine be came true
As time goes by - but I don’t
V
Sorrow means grieving
Grieving means to mourn
Dim means dusky
Dusky means cheerless
Weep means sob
Sob means cry your eyes out
Slay means murder
Murder means assassinate
But lost means unfound
And unfound means gone forever
VI
Banned and Excluded me
For I’m the rejected one
Destroy and exterminate
For I’m the eradicated person
Same and bi
For I’m the lost in love not on earth
Gloomy and blue
For I’m the most unhappy person ever known on this damn earth
Cheerless and poignant
For I’m alone and melancholy
VI
Pose like an emo
Yeah emo people
Those emo people
And their emo hair
And their emo clothes
Oh those emo people
Also their emo pants
Those emo screams and genres
Oh what an emo
Is that?
VII
Love me for
I really need it
Cherish me for
I’m sad
Care for me for
I’m so depressed in love
I would kill my self for
I’m so forlorned and alone form you
Damn life makes
My day oh what a shit day
VIII
Days are the greatest
For God trully love us
Darkest days are the most wonderful
For I’m not really that
Black tears I wept in my eyes
Without any impurites
I would cry out loud
For you don’t care
Like the skies thundering us down
Separating us more
IX
I want you to be here
Beside me
I want you to cherish my life
For this is the better than nothing
I want you to love me
For I know you will take care of my heart really true
I want you to suppoet me
For bullies and swords may encounter my life
I want you to be in my life
FOREVER!!!

Searching for Housemates

2009-02-27T19:12:00.000-08:00

Here comes again the craze of the city – the audition for Pinoy Big Brother is now officially open for those who are inspiring to be the housemates of the said “Kuya” in the house, even though only voice of this “Kuya” is heard all-over the house. For now, the summer breeze is now in the air and the theme for this reality show is for the teens and they lowered the age limit, for those teens that are dreaming to enter, 14 to 17 years of age. Everyone is dreaming to be an artist just by joining to this reality show. Also I, dreaming to be an artist, but I am not looking for fame or any nitwits to be a fame-searcher. Many have said that when you entered the house of “Kuya” and you became an official housemate of his house, you are an instant celebrity. Why? Because you are being watched by millions of people around the Philippines and to the whole world.

How can I be a housemate of big brother? How can I show the real me to the whole world? Easy, just be simple and unique to all among teens who are there for audition. Do a unique talent like playing a guitar, dancing an extreme one, sing with power and dignity, act until your eyes burst into tears and there are many more. I will not tell my talent to all of you because this will urge you to copy my talent that I will show to the jury. I’ll give you a clue; it has something about a tower that was destroyed because of their misunderstanding.

I had a vision about my dream to be a housemate of “Kuya”; I was in a van just behind the house of big brother and waiting for my name to be called. And as the hosts called my name, I went to the stage and faced the camera so that the whole world may see me and thank for choosing me as one of his housemates. I was hoping that my vision become in reality and I want it right now.
As I entered his house, many are sitting in the sala and they are having their chit chat with other housemates – telling their names, their studies, love life, and the hobbies that they are doing before they enter the house of big brother. I too, joined to their chit chat. And they welcomed me so warm like a long lost family relative. Then big brother spoke up and he welcomed me to his big house. I felt like I was the VIP of the house, a special guest, and a long lost family relative that was finally found and there entered the house of big brother.
The characteristics of each housemates are summed up inside of the house – there is “plastic”, province oriented, simple but bad, angst, silent, wise and intelligent, “blessed”, a future movie actor / actress, sweet but snobbish, etc.

What kind of characteristic will I show to the people as I entered the house and became the housemate of big brother? Well, that’s my secret that I know and for you to find out.

The Prom (Is It?)

2009-02-13T23:30:00.000-08:00

The most unforgettable experience in one teenage senior is their promenade with their junior schoolmates. Many have said that the prom is a social gathering of seniors and juniors – like acquaintance. But unlike to our school, passing of responsibility is our yearly theme of our whole program. Why is it called the passing of responsibility? It is because the seniors, after their graduation, they will separate their ways and enter to their self-desired universities or colleges here in Laguna or at Manila. Everyone is preparing for the moment night for us seniors and juniors. Buying souvenirs, teddy bears, roses, necklaces, everything that has significant. Many of us went to salons to get dressed-up only for the prom.
The night of promenade has come. All of us are expecting that our prom will be the best prom that we’ve had in our lives. Question is, is it going to be the moment night? I think not.
Assigned students according to their table number are now at their designated rooms, but they don’t feel the presence that they will be dancing again with their crushes. Many teachers, especially who is assigned to our room, is a total kill joy. Can’t you imagine, she don’t even let us go outside the room even the other students are outside. But she is so kind and humble to the Korean students of our school, and that is what we called “plastic”.
And now, the time had come to get the prom be ready, we fall in line along with our partners beside us boys. The aura of the venue is a bit romantic but classy – lights are on the trees (used Christmas lights), plastic trees (for the entourage), a photographer (our entrepreneurship teacher), emcees (our English and speech teachers), and a guest that we’ve been thinking that our directress hired it just for display and to dance in a dusty surface.
As the program starts, a short prayer that led to shame. One of our classmate led the prayer but later he sudden pulpit his voice unintentionally. Almost all of us slightly grinned to that simply so that no one can see, but almost all of us grinned. The prayer, even caused to shame, is a success though. Then national anthem played (very annoying!). Many from each of the tables dismayed because, it was the only day that must be no anthem singing, but the directress is so clumsy that night, she added it up. Then a very LONG and ANNOYING sermon from our pastor that he had prepared to us and he shared it to almost an hour and 15 minutes. My classmate, who is also my table mate at that night, telling something vulgar but only to us, words that are annoying to hear like “OWS!”, “SHUT UP!”, “GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT!” but, we give it just a laugh.
After that very long sermon, our tummies are crumbling and our speech teacher is like she heard our crumbling stomachs, so she lead a prayer for the food and after that an intermission dance number from the waltz dancers are made. As the waltz dancers are dancing, we are serving our selves the “ONE TIME, NO SECOND ROUND FOOD CATHERING”. Very funny to hear, a catering service that is only for one serving? Its better that the school must hire not catering service but a sitting in food. The food is delicious and as I said awhile ago, one time only, no second round. How annoying! Many had make jokes about the food that will be served. “The food that will be served to us is coming form the canteen – spaghetti, carbonara, pansit, quek-quek, macaroni, porridge , soups, cheese sticks, kikiams, fish balls, squid balls, piattos, chips, burger, bread, and plus! Juice.” Many agreed to that joke, and thanks to those who are not heard.
Then the passing of the symbols made by us senior students to the junior students. They said hat the responsibility is now at their hands as they receive all the symbols of our school – the Bible, the logo, the lamp, the pencil, the heart, and the key. No one is listening at this time. And that is one of the annoying part of the teachers. Then the continuous intermission dance numbers of different assigned dances – cha cha, arico mambo, boogie, swing, and the tango.
The final part of our JS prom is the free dance till 9:15 pm only. That is a total bad trip to all students. Because all we know that JS proms are up till dawn. But the prom of our school is so corny and not a moment for us. If they are going to make proms next time, they make sure that all students are enjoying, others are truly not enjoying to the dance – enjoying taking pictures. Many teachers are destructing the moment of us students.
And lastly, the awarding of the best dress, face, dazzler, king and queen of the night. Many are shouting that my crush won the best dressed of the night. I too, I’m proud of him, and again he received another sash from that corny prom. Then the best face, my won in that place and I think she deserve to be in that place. Then the dazzler, my rival won in that place that must be mine. Many are dismayed that my rival won to that place, but his partner, really deserves to be the best dazzler princess of the night. Why? Because she let herself dance to the flow of the song that she danced in their intermission dance – the a rico mambo! And lastly, the king and queen of the night, my crush’s girlfriend won as the queen and the savior of our batch in terms of volleyball, won the king of the night. I think they real y deserve to be in that place, except to my rival!
Here are the errors that we students saw in the prom:
1. The guests that our directress hired. They don’t even gave them the chance to talk in front of us.
2. The food service is called catering and it’s a buffet! But the plan is buffet but one time serving only.
3. No masquerade happened.
4. Our swimming teacher, which is lesbian, and the 2nd year teacher, who is so girl, is so sweet to each other. As if they are walking to the moon.
5. The candle light song. It just be candle light dance.
6. The drinks are ok but too sweet.
7. The free dance is too short – 15 minutes.
8. The awards are total insanoflex.
9. We don’t feel the presence of moment.
10. No group dancing
11. No group picture in one side where students are compiling up.
12. Teachers are so kill joy.
13. Some gifts of others are expensive but mine….
14. Gifts must be made by our hands not by others.
15. Only one sweet and romantic song that we’ve heard – KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS – which is also the last song that played.
16. The sermon is too long that made us so sleepy and hungry to death.
17. No parents allowed. Because this is our moment. Why is it bad that our parents watches us dancing with our crushes?
18. Limited movements. You feel like you are in a jail box.
19. The guests that our directress hired is “only for” free dance.
20. The national anthem is exaggerated and a record breaking.
21. Our entrepreneurship teacher didn’t capture pictures to those who are sitting.
22. The time is too short.
23. The prom is a total wreck!
24. The prom is too corny to us.
25. No best dance group
26. No prince and princess of the night.
27. No souvenir given to us in the prom. The P50 is wasted.
28. No disco ball
29. Bit cold but not much that romantic
30. The entourage is a remarkable spot. (Can I buy it?)
31. Other students are so kill joy in free dance especially my dancing partner, she is so….
32. Other students, that have girlfriends/ boyfriends, are vulgarized at the final dance – with a grand total, who danced that have bfgf’s, of 13.
33. The emcees are trying hard English speakers – as if they truly speak fluent.
34. Our directress leaves a message to us students who are going out after the graduation that led to a long speech.
35. Lastly, I must be the best dazzler prince of the night not my rival!
Happy villaintines to all of you!

The Rosette Nebula

2009-02-01T12:52:00.000-08:00

Would the Rosette Nebula by any other name look as sweet? The bland New General Catalog designation of NGC 2237 doesn’t appear to diminish the appearance of the this flowery emission nebula. Inside the nebula lies an open cluster of bright young stars designated NGC 2244. These stars formed about four million years ago from the nebular material and their stellar winds are clearing a hole in the nebula’s center, insulated by a layer of dust and hot gas. Ultraviolet light from the hot cluster stars causes the surrounding nebula to glow. The Rosette Nebula spans about 100 light-years across, lies about 5000 light-years away, and can be seen with a small telescope towards the constellation of Monoceros.

A Partial Eclipse over Manila Bay

2009-01-28T19:03:00.000-08:00

What’s happened to the setting Sun? An eclipse! Two days ago, the Moon eclipsed part of the Sun as visible from parts of Africa, Australia, and Asia. In particular the above image, taken from the Mall of Asia seawall, caught a partially eclipsed Sun setting over Manila Bay in the Philippines. Piers are visible in silhouette in the foreground. Eclipse chasers and well placed sky enthusiasts captured many other interesting and artistic images of the year’s only annular solar eclipse, including movies, eclipse shadow arrays, and rings of fire. Another partial solar eclipse will be visible from the Philippines in July. That event, however, will likely be better remembered as a total solar eclipse visible to those occupying a long thin swath of Earth that starts in India and extends through China into the Pacific Ocean.

Strictly Prohibited I

2009-01-05T02:02:00.000-08:00

want to start this page in a short wonderful story of myself and this gorgeous, handsome, mouth-watering guy that I had just met at a resort here at Laguna, last night. His name is Vincent.
It all started at my simple text at a chatroom at our local cable network. Then it was bit after lunch that Vincent replied at my message. Then we get to know each other - exchanging thoughts, telling family histories of both parties, sort of laughters, and guilts. Speaking of guilts, he shared to me in text that what’s life with a very talkative mother?He said that his mother is always making out reasons to their family that he is the reason why he did such a damn thing. I myself was easily got the spark of relativity of that scene. I barely imagined that he told me that if he doesn’t control his temper, he might box his mother. My eyes got big when i read that. I replied him that he must do control that. But he insisted.
Vincent planned to have a sort of meet up at a certain place - right just inside the resort, where his family live - which they are taking care of. So he fix the date and time of our simple chit-chat. And alas! Impromptu! at this exact date January 4, right just inside the resort named as Nonino resort. Sounds like the owner is filthy rich.
So I hurriedly fix myself just to meet up this person and have a simple chit-chat. I find a simple but cautious “angel-tongue” words to my dragon mother. She then let me go. Know what I had told to my sly dragon? That I will go to my classmate at downtown to teach me on mathematics. I texted him that I’m on the way there at the resort.
It was almost 6pm that I took a ride on a jeepney to take me at San Pedro. The fare is fine at php 20. I pray and pray that this guy wont do such a silly thing on me. Once he did a wrong act with or without me, he will be “erased from this earth!”
Around quarter to 7pm my dragon called me at my phone that I must go home right away or else my dad will get mad at me. I know my father will never get mad at me. Only that sly, cautious, dangerous, untouchable, undefeated, the most villain of all villains, ever lived dragon, filthy, perfectionist, always questioning, ass-hole, sloth, bugger, faggot, queer, ugly, hazardous, insecure, perilous, risky, unsafe, subtle, shrould, astute, excellent, unbeatable, overpowered, over-reacting, sensitive, thwart, blackguard, rouge, scapegrace, and scroundrel mother. She is a big big bithcy person I’ve ever knew in my life. Even she make me live for almost 17 years. I don’t care if she control all my aspect of life. Except she don’t have the authority to control my emotions and feelings, also my private life. My private life will be remained as private, but the world does know what is my private life, in short, publicitized.
Almost 7pm, I was at the front of Nonino Resort, my first impressions to this place, before i personally see it, it was surrounded by bamboo sticks that will make the whole resort so private. But when i see it already, right infront of me, it was surrounded by the big palm trees inside and out. I texted him that i was now there and fetch me outside. As I leaned back, I say aguy with a bonnet hat not far away from my location. He replied that he will fetch me. Then I replied to him that where is he. As soon i sent the last message, he finally went to my back and smiled. That’s it. That’s the guy with the bonnet hat. He is slim, tall, having a fair complexion, teasing eyes, shinny, kissable, and red lips, handsome, and he looks like one of the famous actor here in the Philippines - Luis Manzano. My first impression to this guy, when i saw his picture at friendster, is a question, “does he look like my ex-boyfriend?” But now he is infront of me, I am always saying to myself, “is he an angel in disguise? an actor? or a son of a rich family who owns this resort?”

Is he a teacher or not?

2009-01-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh!”, I murmured to myself, “How can I raise my grades in Algebra?” I kept silent, wondering what I should do. If I go to my teacher and ask him to teach me again the lessons, I will be a total jerk about it. Why can’t I understand the lessons? It is because of my teacher in Mathematics. I can’t really understand his lesson presentations properly. Almost everyone in the classroom, including myself, really can’t understand his lessons. It’s not we students commonly say that “we don’t like the teacher”, or “truly, we can’t cope up to the lesson”. Still I am silent strolling the hallway of Joseph building of our school campus, thinking and wondering what I should do with this subject.
As I got home, I hurriedly grab my mobile phone and texted my classmates if they had any connections to a teacher who has a knowledge about our lessons in Mathematics, well it was Advance Algebra and Trigonometry (for the international standards of learning it was 10th grade, but in our country, it was year 4 in High School), I was having a hard time to understand our lessons in Mathematics. I don’t know what I should do. So, I accidentally gripped my Math book and threw it in our living room.
This problem lasted for a night, not knowing still what I should do. Something was buzzing in my mind that night. I remembered that our television set has a cable connection, I hurriedly switched it to the chatroom and I joined in there and search for who is willing to tutor a math dummy like me. A chatter texted me that He is willing to teach me this stupid subject of mine. I asked his name and he asked mine. His name was Christian De Guzman, from San Pedro, Laguna, Philippines. 25 years of age, and a math teacher of a school in San Pedro. I can barely believe it. I thought that maybe he was just joking around me. I continued to text him and he also replied to my messages. By the following day, he’s still texting me. Now I’m starting to doubt whether he’s really a teacher or not. Now we are having a good conversation about our private lives, relationships, love life, and sex life.

Mariposa: Chapter 4 page 3

2009-01-02T17:11:00.000-08:00

The Violet Mariposa stood up and stare the eyes of his father, then he suddenly scream to cry like there is no more tomorrow. He now accepted the Violet and Blue Mariposa. Except for the female butterfly, she can’t accept what I have just done.“Son, I know that you became like that, because you claim, since birth, the Rune of Grune.” Answered with a smiling face from his father.
“What? Rune of Grune? Where? Is it in me?” –
“The necklace that I gave to you secretly.” The Violet Mariposa immediately get his necklace inside of his clothes and yes it was true, that the Rune of Grune was true.
This is the story of the Violet Mariposa.

Mariposa: Chapter 4 page 2

2009-01-01T14:04:00.000-08:00

Dad? Mom? I…I…I…I can’t tell you but I’m sorry for what I’ve done to our clan, but please accept us”. The Violet Mariposa knelt down and cried.
“Dar, please, stand up. Don’t let yourself be so lowly.” Comfort of the Blue Mariposa to the Violet Mariposa.
“Dar! Who are you to say that my son is your Dar?!?! Can’t you see, both of you are committing crime!” the female butterfly said.
“Dar, please stop! You don’t have manners! Please I’m going to manage this problem”, calmly said by the male butterfly to his wife butterfly. He lean his head to the Blue Mariposa, “You, if you truly love my son, please do anything you can do just to make him happy. I don’t want to see my son weeps.”, holding the shoulder of the Blue Mariposa.
“I will do sir, thank you for your acceptance”, then he is calling the attention of the Violet Mariposa, “Dar, please stand up. It’s all ok now. Your father knows now. He accepted us whole-heartedly.”

Mariposa: Chapter 4 page 1

2008-12-31T23:11:00.000-08:00

IV. Acceptance and Discrimination
After this explicit event of the Violet Mariposa all things changed. His family got this information from the Northern Winds Guardians and subjecting them to go to the Northern Winds just to talk about this. They immediately followed the advice of the guardians; they went immediately to the Northern Winds with doubt and sorrow.
“Why is this thing happened to our Mariposa?” the cry of the female butterfly.
“I still don’t know why this ridiculous thing happened to our Mariposa but if there are some evidences that will prove that our Mariposa changed, let’s accept for what he is now. He is happy there in that kind of lifestyle.” the male butterfly said, with fist firmly grasp.
They are about to land at the new plaza of Northern Winds. Still hatred is with the female butterfly, but for the male butterfly, only patience and acceptance is only with him. They went to the hall of the Wreath because all of the butterflies are there to practice the flance – combination of flying and dancing. They excused the Violet Mariposa and the Blue Mariposa.

Mariposa: Chapter 3 page 5

2008-12-30T14:23:00.000-08:00

Same as his parents happened last time, Festival of the Wings truly have a legend. “If someone who is with you, and accidentally your accompany kissed you from the above, then a fireworks suddenly appeared above you, this is true love and never be parted away.”
The Violet Mariposa can’t believe this legend and he wants to have that legend to be at his majestic hand.
He does everything he knows just to get that dream of him. And it truly happened, but wasn’t another female butterfly, it was also a male Mariposa – a Blue Mariposa. He always tries to resist that kind of spark from his heart but it can’t be taken away.

Mariposa: Chapter 3 page 4

2008-12-29T14:23:00.000-08:00

And it was about the time of the wisp to receive the recognition medal from the dune flax and exactly it reached the age of 14, its appearance from being a wisp, changed into a beautiful Violet Mariposa - having the best wings in all land, shining so splendid, shimmering sparking, the hair is so glossy and its face is so charming, like ones to his father. Everyone in the dune flax is amazed and shocked about this wonderful event. They will not forget this kind of event. After 14 years, they finally see another splendid event in Flutterfield.
Not knowing to others that this Violet Mariposa is so emotional and having a low-hearted feeling – like easily to cry even on simple happy things.
It was the time that the Violet Mariposa will be immediately send to the Northern Winds just to pursue his studies and chose a career what his heart desires. As this Violet Mariposa enters the gates of Northern Winds, his heart pounded so loud and fast like there is no more tomorrow. He slowly flies inside to the Northern Winds and roams his head form left to right, to check only if there is any one who is inside of the Northern Winds. He went to his room just below the castle; he saw the butterflies are having their conversations there, changing thoughts and aspirations.
Also here, the legendary rune of Grune is the talk of all, saying that, anyone from us new butterflies in the castle obtains the Rune of Grune, will change his or her perspectives. That’s why the butterflies are inside the castle. He doesn’t know what is that Rune of Grune, as long as he can remember, he was given by his father a necklace, encarved with a face of an idol. Later on will be the opening of the Festival of the Wings.

Mariposa: Chapter 3 page 2

2008-12-27T13:48:00.000-08:00

Summing it up, after 3 months, the female butterfly bore her first offspring, but the offspring is a wisp. They don’t know why is their offspring is a wisp. They ask everyone about wisp. What is wisp? Almost everyone doesn’t know. Except for the grand butterfly, he only knows about this kind of tragedy. He experienced his kind of tragedy last 16 years of his reign. He said that, “Today that creature is a wisp but, after 14 years of care and guidance, that wisp will became a beautiful Mariposa – a beautiful yet majestic kind of butterfly. It possesses great power of emblements as long it lives.”
They can’t believe that this wisp is going to evolve into a beautiful Mariposa. Everyone in the city is congratulating this family because despite of hardships and sorrows that they pass, they’re still holding on.
“What are we going to do next, dar?”, she said to her husband butterfly on what should they do to the wisp.
“We should take care of it and if there is only chance to name a wisp, I should name this wisp, Reeves Vineshimmer.”, he proudly said to his wife butterfly.
Every time this wisp is gaining more experience in life as a child, they kept on guiding this wisp according to the tradition of the butterflies. Ever mistake, they scold this wisp. Not knowing that the wisp is so emotional and having a “heart-hearted” kind of person. This wisp is easily been caught to cry.
Every time that this wisp is gaiety from its study, gaining more experience, this parent of the wisp is also delighted.

Mariposa: Chapter 3 page 1

2008-12-26T16:32:00.000-08:00

III. Perspectives: Wrong or Right
The unexpected thing happened to the male butterfly of Vineshimmers and the female butterfly of Hailwebs, reached up to the parents of these butterflies. The Vineshimmers are happy for their line of life will still be alive. but the Hailwebs are dreading sorrow, for they don’t know what they should do next to their daughter butterfly – if they will still continue her to study or not.
Why did their families knew this kind of accident, because the male butterfly of Vineshimmers and the female butterfly of the Hailwebs, went to a far far away land and made a moonlit feast (which is equivalent to honeymoon in mortal world).
“Are we going to say this to our parents that we are going to marry by the next full moon arrives?”, calmly stated by the male butterfly.
“I don’t know if they are going to accept us or not. Especially my family, they only knew that I am here just to study and finish my chosen career.”
“Just keep your mouth shut and I’ll do the rest for you. I’ll support your family, just so survive only. Are you with me?”, carousing question of the male butterfly.
“It’s up to you, dar. Now what should I do?”, she said like she’s starting to cry.
After the half year was finished, they immediately went to their families and getting their attention to accept their mistake. And not knowing that the female butterfly is pregnant. The family of the female butterfly, cried out loud, and they can’t take what their daughter done to them. But the male butterfly promised to help them to survive and give them lands to manage.

Mariposa: Chapter 2 page 5

2008-12-25T18:06:00.000-08:00

They are amazed on what they had just seen. The guardians are dancing with grace inside the closed chamber that the grand butterfly made. They can barely imagine that this tradition is true and magical. The night continues full of dancing and singing around. Except for the male butterfly from Vineshimmers and the female butterfly from the Hailwebs, they are walking around engraving the sweet breeze of the first spring of the year.
The female butterfly flew up high also the male followed her. The male can’t imagine that in front of him, wasn’t true and just a dream. They hold each others waist that is so tight. They stare each other’s eyes and slowly they fall into temptation to kiss. Surprising them the bliss of the fireworks above them, everyone below them saw their uplift to the sky and everyone is so delighted that the legend of the Festival of the Wings, happened unexpectedly.

Mariposa: Chapter 2 page 4

2008-12-24T18:02:00.000-08:00

Oh no! The festival is about to start.” exclaimed by the female butterfly.“No, it will start after the sun got settled down from the sky. Look at the sun, still having small part on it, and its rays are too shiny to stare”, he said this while the female butterfly flew fast to her room to finish her fix.
The female butterfly blushed into pink when she saw her face at a mirror. She can’t imagine that she is truly fallen in love with that handsome butterfly. She shook her head and start grooming her up for the festival.
The male butterfly entered the Hall of the Wreath and watch the guardians preparing for the blush that was about to appear. Many butterflies are happy for this kind of event is truly happing to them right before their very eyes.
The female butterfly flew as fast as she could just to catch up for the festival opening. As she was at the front of the door of Hall of the Wreath, the male butterfly opened it unexpectedly. Their eyes popped and stare so sticky. The male butterfly gave his hand to the female butterfly, asking for his hand to join her inside of the hall. Tempted to do, the female butterfly shyly gave her hand to the male butterfly. And they entered the hall with grace and pride. Exactly as they entered the hall, the blush is floating already and the guardians are about to start their opening ceremony for the Festival of the Wings.

Mariposa: Chapter 2 page 3

2008-12-23T16:53:00.000-08:00

As she entered the deep forest, the shadows are mossy light green, giving the scene an eerie feeling. She felt creepy around her. The tune of the unknown sounds gives her goose bumps to suddenly appear. She doesn’t know where she is going too now. Roaming herself around her, she can’t find any swamp where thistleburst are found. She stopped from flying and starts to cry, doesn’t even know where is she heading too. And she doesn’t know where she should go out from this dungeon of deep forest.
While she is crying, someone is at her back, starting to give her more creeps that she felt. The follower touched her shoulder, and she shouted like her lungs will be pulled out. “How funny of you! I told you that I’ll accompany you to the swamp where thistleburst are found. It willn’t find here. And you made a wrong direction.”
She leaned at her back where the voice is coming from, and found out that it was the butterfly from the Vineshimmers, and the butterfly that was following her all along. “Stop crying. I’ll help you to find thistleburst, so that you can follow to the festival.”, his comforting words mesmerized her soul to fell in love with him.The female butterfly whispered from her mind, “I think I fell in love with his butterfly.” She Smiled and put her face to the breast of this male butterfly. Not knowing to the male butterfly that this female butterfly felt in love with him.
They decided to go to the swamp and get some thistleburst just fix her up. And they returned to the castle right just when the bell rang.

Mariposa: Chapter 2 page 2

2008-12-22T12:50:00.000-08:00

The day come that the blush is about to bloom, many butterflies are fabricating the whole festival, from the arrangements of the flowers, to the grand hall of the Wreath – also full of flowers.
The blush is showing off its tip, reminding that the spring is about to come later at twilight. “The blush is now coming, butterflies be ready for the festival later at twilight.”, the guardian shouted at the porch.
While every butterfly is eager to join the festival, groups of female butterflies went at the swamp just to get thistleburst. While the female butterfly, from Hailwebs, is going at the swamp to get also some thistleburst, she noticed that she was followed by the male butterfly from the Vineshimmers. She sped up her fluttering so that she can’t be followed by the male butterfly.
Wait, I just want to have friends with you”, he requested to stop the female butterfly. “What do you want?” she stopped flying but didn’t turn back and look at the eyes of the male butterfly.“I just want to help you to get some thistleburst at the swamp. I know that the swamp is smelly like a stinky feet” his alibi so that he can accompany her.
“Well thanks for your effort and time, but, I don’t need your help really.” She continues to fly.
“Let us see if you know where that swamp is. I know lots of swamps here where thistleburst are usually found.”
She ignored what the male butterfly said. She just continued her journey to the swamp and get some thistleburst.

Mariposa: Chapter 2 page 1

2008-12-21T19:50:00.000-08:00

Love At First Night Not Sight
Everyone in the castle can’t wait the night of the Festival. Because as for these butterflies, as far as they knew about this festival, this time of their lives are now considered as matured butterflies, and they are now ready find a mate for life. The male butterfly doesn’t get what this means. But for him, this is just a customary event of one butterfly in the castle. He just forgets that kind of a joke.
The female butterfly heard about this legendary event in the festive. She just thought also that this is just an ordinary night for the new butterflies – to socialize, to communicate, to have new friends, and…
“Is it true that this silly legend is true?”, she asked the other female butterflies while flying and watching other butterflies playing above the meadows of flowers.
“This is true, believe me. This is going to happened. My mother said that their destiny with my daddy butterfly started at this festive. And I believed that this is going to happened again. Maybe it will be passed to you or to me.” –
“Deter that kind of joke. Please.”, her irritating reply to her friend and leaves her alone.
“Hey! Come back here. I was just making you more inspired about the festival.”

Yuletide Season

2008-12-20T02:19:00.000-08:00

Christmas - one of the most exquisite commemoration to the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. Also in this special event, caroling of children to every doorstep, parties, reunions, hang-outs and other more. Across the globe, different countries, at the same time, celebrating christmas.
Here in the Philippines, we have diverse traditions on how to celebrate the yuletide season. Let us start on culture. All Catholics are encouraged to attend the 9 consecutive nights of Rooster’s Mass from December 15 till 24 of midnight. They believe that when they complete the 9 consecutive nights attending the mass, their wishes will become true. Also, they must wear red shirt if they complete the 9 nights.
The aporcyphal lantern display on every houses, remembering the first star of Bethlehem. Guiding the 3 wise kings to the manger where our LOrd Jesus Christ was born.
The abundance of food on every table of the family, from salads to pastas, sauces to soups, and sticky and sweet delicacies. Some of these sweets are commonly sold at outside churches are bibingka, puto bumbong, and hot chocolate. These local and traditional foods makes the Christmas the best celabration before the end of each year.
Exchanging of gifts is common to every people here in the Philippines, this simple tradition today called by many people as, “Monito - Monita”, exchanging of gifts to someone that you picked. You will see tha delightfulness in your heart when you receive gifts. Especially when it comes from your very close loved one, like boyfriend, girlfriend, crush, best friend, family, relatives, classmates, officemates, and even your enemies.
Caroling everynight at every doorstep likes to sing carols to every houses, just to receive money from the household. Unfortunately, some of these children, who sings carols everynight, receive only the tagline, ’sorry’. But these children dont loose hope just to receive small amount of money from their caroling.
The cold winds of december makes the season more merrier and gay. Jackets, sweaters, sweatshirts, and ‘jamas are all commonly seen every night. Each dawn of the day, this cold winds will kill your silent sleeping.
Come. Have a Trip. Know the Christmas of the Cultural Philippines.

Mariposa: Chapter 1 page 4

2008-12-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

In the Hall, there are lots of newly entered butterflies who just received their medal of recognition. Every table is filled with colorful bouquets of flowers, bunch of banquets, with lively music from one of the most famous musicians – the Vineshimmers. He can hardly imagine that he saw his ancestors in that hall playing their songs in merry soul. He found himself standing at the corner of the hall, watching his ancestors playing. The playing stops when the grand butterfly entered the hall. The guardians of the castle fall a straight line and gave respect to the grand butterfly. Every new butterfly followed what the guardians do.
As the grand butterfly reached the Majestic Bridge of Flutterfield, he doesn’t waste his time. He says some warm words to all the butterflies that are inside the hall. Then he shares his first planned event.
“In 2 weeks, the blush will be ready for the opening of the spring. And at the twilight fell, the Festival of the Wings will be opened.”
Everyone was overwhelmed and overjoyed because it is time for the new butterflies meet and make new friends. The female butterfly, smiled and her wings flapped and flapped. The male butterfly, which is still at the corner, was tongue-tied of what he had just eavesdropped from the grand butterfly.

Mariposa: Chapter 1 page 3

2008-12-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

After they had set all, they roam around the Castle and familiarize themselves to the rooms of requirements.
As for the male butterfly, he was now at the Northern Winds, making friends and touring himself around the castle. As he was strolling around and making new friends, he saw a female butterfly that is so pretty and having a majestic wings – this female butterfly is the butterfly at the Hailwebs. He stares at her so strong and can’t be detached from his staring. The female butterfly stared also at him, like she’s been stricken by an arrow, crossing her deep and soft pounder. She lean her eyes to her path so that she will not be tempted to look at him again, but tempted was meant to be tempted, she turned back and leaned back to the male butterfly who stared at her so gluey. Even she leaned back to he male butterfly; she is still followed by the fiery stare of the male butterfly. She turns back again her eyes to where she is going to.
“Who is that butterfly? I need to know her? Is she new here or not?”, asking to another butterfly.
“Certainly don’t know. Maybe she is new face at here.”
“Can I ask a favor to know her name?”
“That would be fine to me.”
“So, is there any activities are going to happened later?”
“There is the orientation for the new comers like you.”
The male butterfly went to his room just right below the castle. His room is full of delectable flowers of their land – from dandelions, tulips, and even mandrakes. He groomed himself and went back to the Hall of the Wreath.

Mariposa: Chapter 1 Page 2

2008-12-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

As she was flying above the sky, she saw already the Northern Winds from below. She slowly went down and wanders the gates of future. She was just standing at the corner side of the gate, far from the opening, peeping if she will endure this goal that she has in her heart. She strongly takes a deep breath and blows it as hard as she can. She don’t even managed that she is entering to her future her. She can barely imagine what this place means to her and what kind of career is she going to pursue so that she can help to her parent butterflies.
As she was walking at the path, a female butterfly caught her attention to roam her eyes around.
“Are you new here?”, said by the other butterfly.
“Certainly, I am.” Her nervous reply.
“Come on I’ll help you there and I’ll roam you here around”, gladly said by the other butterfly.

Mariposa: Chapter 1 Page 1

2008-12-15T13:42:00.000-08:00

It was in the tradition of the butterflies that when they received their medal of recognition, they are sent to the Northern Winds just to pursue the highest degrees that they dreamed of. And exactly that the male butterfly received his medal of recognition, his parents are delighted that he had received his recognition. So they immediately decided to send him to the northern winds to study what is his heart wants to dream and make it as his goal. Also too, the female butterfly got her recognition medal, but her parents can’t send her immediately.
“Why mother? Is there any problems why you can’t sent me at the Northern Winds?”, the female butterfly exclaimed.
“There is but, not now, we can send you there before two weeks.” her mother explained calmly.
“I can do chores work there while I am studying in the Northern Winds”, she suggested to them.
Her mother talk to his father if they are still going to sent her today. “Are you sure about this? I don’t think she’s going to make it.”
“Oh don’t be silly dar! I believe that she can do that. I see her potentials that she can finish her career. My verdict for that is yes.” said by her father in a peaceful talk. Leaning back to her daughter butterfly, “we’ll send you there but, you promise that you are going to finish your career.”
“That would be nice”, she said delightedly.
She packed all of her things inside her carrier and say goodbye to her parents. Leaving her only gust of shadow in a dusky sky and suddenly got disappeared away from the naked eyes.
Her parents were delighted for the goals of their daughter butterfly.

The Mariposa

2008-12-12T02:02:00.000-08:00

The Mariposa is my first epic composition. It is my project in English and it took me many days to come up with the story and another many weeks to finish the whole story. For the next few days I will unfold the story to you in parts. So you have to come back every day for the succeeding episodes. I have to do it otherwise you will get bored because of the length of the story.
Being a novice, I have to warn you that to not expect too much from me. I am still trying to work out on my writing skill and in time I know I will get better.
So come with me and let’s explore the wonderful and magical story of Mariposa.

I Have Just Attempted Suicide

2008-12-05T02:53:00.000-08:00

Why did I do this ridiculous thing in my life? Is it because I wanted to? Is it because of influence? It is a big NO! I did this thing because I am burdened by my problems: family, emotional, and financial. It is so crazy that I’ve done this thing. But, don’t belittle my hardships. I’ve been carrying this burden of mine since 2007.
Family problem is on top of my list. First of all family is where a father and a mother care and support their childrenn providing them whatever they need: clothes, food, shelter, extras, allowances, moral, spiritual, moral and emotional support. Almost everything they will just do for the satisfaction of their children just to survive. They are sacrificing their sweat, blood and energy so that they will be payed for whatever they’ve done for that day. Even the job is bad, they would do anything just their children have something to eat at dinner with full stomach. Let us go back to the topic, family problem. Why? Because of their false accusations at me. Bragging those things that are important when needed, every little or big, they are accusing me falsely. Even I just leave something on the table then later on, it was suddenly gone.
Emotional, I am a true emotional, why? Every time I watch TV and see the scene of a family reunited, apologizing each other, my heart wants to cry but I want to control it when my parents are around. Another is every time when I and my boyfriend (rumored, fling or not), having a misunderstanding, he makes my heart burst into tears. My mother once said that I am crazy, I am in-love much to guys not to girls. And so, why do she care about my feelings. She don’t have the rights to control my feelings. Also, it is normal to show your affection to your love one, even on to your same sex.
And also, if i can’t take the pain that i felt, I just sit there in the corner and cry, thinking about attempting suicide, and now, I have done a huge mistake, at exactly 11:45 pm +8GMT.
Financial problem. This is my most and tops the list of all my problems. Everytime that there is something that I want to buy, I am saving of it but at the same time, school projects are squashing my time to save money. So my hands are attempting to steal money from my youngest sibling. Why am I stealing money and it is a sin? I know it is a sin but my parents can’t give me money right away because projects has a small percentage in grading system. So I am tempted to steal money to her.
This moment, December 4, 2008, at 11:45 pm +8GMT, my father scolded me not to do that. Then my mother continues to speak non-sense words so that I can’t speak and be guilty. I think my mother is happy for making me guilty again in-front of my father. My father wants to box me but he can’t, because he do care for me so much, even though i am the black sheep in our family. So he get a small hard plastic plate and throw it like a flying saucer and break into pieces. As he went to the bedroom and locked it. I suddenly burst into tears and thinking again, the attempting suicide. I was my first time to do that crazy thing. I had a blade at my room but i just displayed it, replacing the rusty one. It’s painful and hard to accept because of the blood slowly runs to my arms downward.
I texted all of my friends, classmates, even my rumored boyfriend. And there are only 2 who replied to my group message, one is my classmate and the other is my rumored. The later said that why did I done this thing? It is wrong. Am I crazy? Yes I am crazy - crazy in disguise - because I don’t want others know that I have mental and psychological problems. I think my rumored is more concerned about me. At the same time, I am having doutbs to him, maybe he got turned off cause what i’ve done to myself.
I don’t know what should I do next. I already ask for an apology to God that this will be the first and the last attempt of suicide. Because I’ve learned a lesson, there is a line of a song that lifted my soul:
“If the mind keeps thinking you have enough, but the
heart keeps telling you don’t give up. Who are we
questioning and wondering what is what? Don’t give up.
Through it all just stand up.”

Homosexuals: the Life, the Present, an Apology

2008-12-02T08:38:00.001-08:00

How can I start this? Is it in a simple how-are-you’s? Is it in a simple what-are-you-doing-right-now’s? It is like so simple and boring to say those kinds of phrases again and again. But, let us change the format on how I can start my greetings.Why am I still alive until today? Is my life destined to a slave of those who have a higher authority? Calling me names because they want too? Do they treat me like a toy? Like a doll of a little girl? I can’t take these kinds of bullying. You know why? It really hurts deep inside my heart. This is not a joke or any kind of boring activity. This is only I can say to all of you, “Let we be freed from the cage of discrimination. We need space to know and get to know what and who we are.
Many of us want to know our real identity and sometimes they are hindrances that deter us from pursuing our goals. We want to express our feelings, wants, and aspirations. We may be different and confused about our sex but we are still humans.
In the times of our ancestors, they said that we were bad influence, we were cursed, we were called demons. But let us change the time circuits into the present time. We are famous. We get jobs. We get to have our own family and we are successful.
Success in our careers
Many from us have stable jobs, local and abroad. These jobs include film directors, composers, actors and actresses, singers, nurse, police, cook, teacher, fashion designer, photographer, painter, culinary experts, etc. In almost every field or career small or big, strong or weak, good or bad, uneasy or easy, we don’t disappear.
Family and relationships
Yes, there are people who are like us, who have their own “straight” family. But don’t belittle us, we can also provide and do what is right for our own family. Many gay fathers have their own family: with a wife and off-springs. Even though they are gay, their children are still proud of them because they can provide for their family regardless of their sexual orientation.
Now in the relationships, there is a big difference between us homos to the so-called straights. Because we have likes if we compare to straight. We love our same sex; we do care more to our same sex, etc. If the straight people can have happiness, sadness, misunderstandings, mutual understandings, we, also have these feelings. I have experienced this kind of relationship: happy, contented, hard, chaotic, painful, and different.
I am happy because I felt a special kind of spark – fast and uncontrollable beating of the heart, contented because someone is taking care of my heart, and hard because this kind of relationship must be in secret.
I don’t know how I came to be like this. Is it merely because I felt it? Is it because of my environment? Is it an influence from what I see on TV or on the street? It is not my fault why I became like this. This is now where my life runs to. I’m now happy here even though it is hard to accept. I may shed tears of blood but this is me now and nobody can change it for now.
If I could make a wish, I wish to be with that person I love the most forever. Even though we suffer from hardships, sickness and pain, even if the waves of life will change we are still together.

Breaking the Barrier of Shyness

2008-12-01T01:33:00.000-08:00

Did you remember your first day in a new school? How did you feel? Did anybody in the classroom approach you and welcome you to their school?
There are people who come to a new place for the first time and they tend to shut their mouths and remain silent in one corner observing the new surroundings. Others just go to a private room locking themselves in the cubicle. Then someone enters that room, hears the whimpering, and then they will start to communicate and ask what’s the problem.
Many teenagers today find themselves into this situation—new kid in the campus with no friends or acquaintance. Some may stare at you looking so innocent, so gloomy, and they’re like telling you to go away. I have known many people who suffered from “First-day-of-school-shyness” disease. I, for one, had it.
When I went to high school I didn’t know anyone in the campus. As I entered the classroom, I chose the backseat because I didn’t want to be noticed by the class adviser. But after our orientation with a topic on socialization I remained silent in my seat. Then a guy approached me and asked me for my name and everything. Naturally, and as always, we teenagers do not let the topic of love life skip the conversation. So I told him everything about my love life. He did the same and we developed a mutual understanding. That’s how my barrier of shyness at school was broken. Now, my circle of friends is getting bigger and better.
But wait! There’s one more barrier of shyness I haven’t overcome. It is the shyness of getting into a relationship. When two people meet for the first time, there’s a wall in between that needs to be broken down. Too bad this wall always exists between two people who want to get into a relationship. Like my first day at school I did experience this barrier again with my first boyfriend. We set up a date, a place and time. The day was January 20, 2008. Finally, that day came. I felt so nervous and anxious. The suspense, the thrill, the excitement, all of these and more except the shyness were creeping inside me. I dressed up nicely and appropriately to make a good first impression and off I hurried to our rendezvous – at the mall.
When I got to the mall, I was so eager. I turned and saw him and he also saw me. I remained in my position and turned my eyes the other way. I was too shy to watch him coming closer. I felt a soft touch on my shoulder. My eyes grew bigger my heart was beating fast and pounding so loud fire works on New Year. It was like tearing my chest apart. He whispered in my ear and said, “How are you?” My mouths were zipped. I didn’t speak a word. That’s where my shyness overcame me.
As we strolled around the mall he kept the conversation going talking about his life as I respectfully listened to his story. Then my first word was heard by just the two of us. My barrier of shyness again was broken.
And lastly, how about telling something to your parents about your life? How’s it gonna be? How can you tell your parents, for example, that you are a gay or a lesbian deep inside? At first, you don’t really know what you should say to your parents because they might scold you, abandon you, or even throw you outside with your stuff. That’s too bad to think of my friends! I can show you how to overcome that problem. First, take a deep breath before you break the bad news to your parents. If you decided to tell it to your parents, practice it first inside your room. Second, call the attention of your parents. Make sure that their mood is ok. Talk to them right away. Then make a short speech about that topic then tell your parents that you are a gay or a lesbian in a nice talk. They will surely accept you, because you trust them enough to tell who you are.